Give Love To Get Love

Assalamualaikum.

Aku nak share satu cerita. Walaupun mungkin tak penting mana, tapi aku nak share jugak. According to title, yes it’s about love. Pasal girls you should be with a man who loves you more, who wants you more, about a man with his ego, or not, whatevs, I”m just gonna share my story.

I’m a girl. and I think im beautiful. sometimes not. but they said i’m pretty. and as a normal typical girl, i fall in love. with this guy. I call him as Tuan. i really, really love him. so much. like, everytime I look at him, is everything I want to have. but i never tell him. i keep it as a secret. years passed by, almost 10 years aku pendam perasaan cinta aku kat Tuan. macam membazir masa gila kan. like they said, aku kan cantik, body cun, pandai and sopan, and all those goreng goreng words but why im still single?
because I only love him. so much. somehow, he knew I have a feeling towards him. nak dijadikan cerita, rupanya masa awal awal aku jatuh cinta kat dia, dia pun ada perasaan kat aku jugak. i never knew it and I never realised it. bagi aku, ah mana mungkin Tuan akan suka aku. i was so blind at that time.

you know that quotes ‘actions speaks louder than words’? yes he did that. he proved it. his actions was waaayyy louder than his confessions from his mouth. he gives love. he cares. he worries. he shares. he help. but my heart and my mind keep denied it. bodoh kan. aku gembira waktu tu dia treat aku macam puteri. dia caring, dia segak, dia menggoda. aku geram. kenapa dia tak ajak aku couple dengan dia? say that words, and i’ll be yours forever! but yeah he never ask me bout that. just a memories yang dia tinggalkan untuk aku.

after almost 10 years, lelaki datang bersilih ganti nak jadikan aku suri hati diorang. aku diam, aku senyum, aku elak, aku tolak. sebab Tuan. aku tunggu Tuan. bodoh gila aku rasa macam mana aku akan dapat Tuan kalau aku takcakap pasal isi hati aku kat Tuan kan. tunjuk yang aku berminat pun tak. memang senang cakap, aku heartless bila aku dengan dia padahal dalam hati Ya Allah bahagianya I want him so much please give him to me!

well, how can you get a love when you never give one?

then come this one guy. lets call him as Juna. he confessed. he loves me and he wants to marry me. he is dead serious. i dont know, out of other guys who confessed to me, (Tuan tak pernah confess or drag something like this but always open a topic about husband and wife everytime we chat), Juna lah yang paling berjaya mengganggu gugat ketenangan hati and hidup aku. i just cant stop thinking about him. btw, i quit close with Juna. Bahasa senang dia, Juna’s my bestfriend.

and yea he really use that ‘actions speaks louder than words’ things. he loves me more than i love him. well i never love him. but he always make sure i know that he always love me, never leave me alone. terganggu gila. berapa banyak kali aku rejek, banyak kali tu jugalah dia datang mendekat. he sacrifices. he listens. he made up my day, everyday dengan apa yang dia ada. im just comfortable with him, thats all. its not like i give him satu harapan pun. never. because my heart knows what it wants. Tuan. never a Juna.

kalau nak kata, his actions to prove his love towards me are way more than Tuan. its obvious. Juna tak malu luahkan rasa hati dia depan public. aku yang malu faham tak.

tapi itulah. bila Allah dah tentukan siapa jodoh kita, maka ianya tetap akan jadi.
sebanyak mana aku menolak, kalau sudah jodoh, bersatu juga.
I married Juna. dengan segala effort dia, kesungguhan dia, dia datang lamar aku. bravely facing my parents. and why not, dapat menantu sempurna baik akhlak macam Juna kan? so I was advised and dipujuk pujuk untuk setuju nikahi Juna.

and that ‘Aku terima nikahnya’ happened. me and Juna diijabkabulkan.

imagine, how do I start a new life with a man whom I barely love? bila tika tu hati aku sarat dengan rasa terhadap Tuan? Tuan pulak, terus senyap bila dapat berita aku dah kahwin dengan Juna. sebelum ni, ada juga chat and jumpa with other friends, and macamlah aku buta untuk menilai kerlingan and tenungan Tuan. aku pun dah besar kan, macamlah aku tak faham bahasa tubuh and gerak layan Tuan terhadap aku. tapi tu lah, Tuan kan lumphy.

Juna ni, first kahwin aku cuma boleh selesakan diri dengan istilah kawan je. ‘Suami adalah sahabat terbaik isteri.’ Juna applied that. he always be there. dia sabar. dia bertahan. kadang aku rasa berdosa jugak walapupun aku tak pernah cakap or tunjuk yang kekadang aku teringat Tuan.

‘To get love, is to give love.’ Juna curahkan sepenuhnya attention and kasih sayang dia kat aku. kau rasa, kalau dah berbulan bulan, and almost 2 tahun, tak basah ke hati aku hari hari kena siram dengan cinta Juna? eleh, padahal awal awal kahwin pun dah tergoda dengan Juna. juna punya charm lepas kahwin ni lain macam tau.

tetiba nampak menggoda, nampak charming gila, nampak idaman hati sungguh. buat house chores, ohh,, bergetar hati tengok dia berpeluh peluh. at first i thought it was just a lust serumah dengan lelaki perfect kan. yes, here i say, dia memang sempurna pun walaupun sebelum aku kahwin dengan Juna. agama, harta, body, akhlak, wahh wahh. cuma hati je la tak terpaut kan.

Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui kan apa yang terbaik untuk kita. siapa yang sesuai lengkapkan lagi jadi separuh hati kita. siapa jodoh kita. tu lah, lain kali jangan nak cinta mati gila kat someone, mana tau ada someone yang rupanya jodoh kau, spouse kau kan. Jaga dulu hati tu sebelum senang senang serah kat lelaki lain. in my case of Tuan, Alhamdulillah walaupun awalnya penat hati harap kat dia, nasib baik masih tak serah lagi. at the end, hati aku yang belum dipunyai sesiapa sekarang aku serahkan sepenuhnya kat Juna, suami aku.

apa yang dia buat? dia tau aku masih tak bukak lagi hati aku untuk dia. and he wants my love. he proves it. he gives me his loves, endlessly. dia doa, and dia selalu sebut kuat kuat. setiap kali aku dengar, woih bergenang air mata, lembik hati rasanya.

aku pernah tanya Juna,
“abang tak penat ke buat semua ni untuk saya?”
“Tak pernah rasa penat sebab abang tau hasil apa yang abang nak.”
“You know how much I want you. and the only way to get your love, is to give my love.”
and this,
“Abang doa minta pada Allah je. Dialah sumber kekuatan utama abang, selain awak.”

akhirnya. Juna menang.

kadang kadang aku rasa Juna ni ada darah omputih ke hape. sweet semacam. romantik lain macam dari novel or drama melayu.

pesan terakhir aku, cinta mana pun kau terhadap manusia, tetap tak akan dapat lawan takdir jodoh dari Dia.
Jika cinta, doa.
Jika cinta, pinta.
Jika cinta, buktikan.

– Torres Sparkles

Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit