Assalamualaikum wbt admin and dear readers. I hope this confession finds everyone well, physically, mentally and emotionally well. Amin.
Please allow me to continue my confession in English. Thank you in advance and I apologize for any shortcomings in my writing. To err is human. Forgive me. So, lets begin.
To start with, a demographic profile of myself; I am a lecturer, married, and with three children (all under the age of eight). I enjoy a balanced work-life lifestyle. Which means, I love my job, very passionate about it, but I also enjoy spending time with family and my small circle of close friends.
Where does this politics of the academic world come in? Here. Many people have a lot of misconception about the world of academics at tertiary level. Most of them think that we go to classes when only it is in our timetable, and when we don’t have classes; we can rest, do other personal things, and even take the day off.
Most people think that our job is confined only to teaching, organizing class activities, marking and grading papers, and that’s it. Perhaps they are not enlightened of the things that we have to do in order to survive the academic world. It is supposed to be a sacred industry where knowledge and everything related to it must be dealt with utmost respect. But sadly, many of us are being held captive of the system we have created. And we pass this on to the students.
However, above all this, in the midst of the teaching, marking and grading hassles, we are also expected to do administrative work like updating our course files for auditing purposes (which is very systematic and tedious), if one is designated to hold an administrative post such as a Dean, Deputy Dean, Head of Department or Programme, Coordinator etc, then more is on your already full plate.
Teaching requires you to learn too. So, in order to learn and add knowledge to the lecturers’ expertise, one must also conduct researches, write for publications, attend seminars and courses and other academic related activities to enhance one’s teaching skills and for the purpose of knowledge enhancement.
So we don’t really have ALL that extra time to ourselves. At times, the preparations for classes take more time than actually conducting the classes. The lecture could be for three hours, but the preparation would take up the whole day before.
No, I am not complaining. In fact, I enjoy doing all these. If I could turn back time to 11 years ago, I would still choose this profession because I love working with young minds. They are very challenging at that age and they have so many ideas that I would never have thought of myself. My respect goes even more to the teachers who taught them before me.
Of all these responsibilities, I am most passionate with research. Honestly, I used to despise research. But after I completed my Masters degree (and now continuing my PhD), I fell in love with one of the most despised subject in any students’ academic journey. :p
Now let me refresh your memory, remember when I said, lecturers must conduct researches, attend seminars and all that? Well, it is also a part of our KPI. The more writings you publish and in highly credible journals, the more marks you gain for your KPI. Sometimes it is almost impossible to achieve all these, especially if the institution that you are serving requires you to teach four to five subjects per semester. I have even come across colleges that require lecturers to teach more than that number of subjects. In the end, the quality of teaching is jeopardized.
So, coming back to this particular responsibility of conducting research, it sometimes “pushes” these academics to desperation; to turn to practicing academic dishonesty. What is academic dishonesty? This can be explained through this link I found online (https://spcollege.libguides.
“There are many types of academic dishonesty – some are obvious, while some are less obvious.
1. Cheating;
2. Bribery;
3. Misrepresentation;
4. Conspiracy;
5. Fabrication;
6. Collusion;
7. Duplicate Submission;
8. Academic Misconduct;
9. Improper Computer/Calculator Use;
10. Improper Online, TeleWeb, and Blended Course Use;
11. Disruptive Behavior;
and last, but certainly not least,
12. PLAGIARISM.”
Regretfully, lecturers and academicians also have weak points. On a daily basis, we teach and we preach students to practice academic ethics and to avoid all those listed under the academic dishonesty code of conduct. But some of us do not adhere to them. Especially when there is an opportunity for personal fame and gain.
Now we have come to the juicy part of the confession. Juicy ek? Perhaps. Lol.
I am a victim of academic dishonesty. In other words, a fellow academician took one of my researches. The research was incomplete as I was still working on it, tweaking it here and there, but out of respect to this Senior Lecturer (and I also wanted his advice on the topic), I shared the research with him. He promised to help out, and I was honoured that he agreed to despite his busy schedule. But in the end, he took my research, used it to apply for a research grant and succeeded. The worst part is, I was not even a member of the research team. He totally hijacked my research and left me out of the picture.
So at this point of time, I was beyond frustrated. Especially when I had to work closely with him for other academic matters at the faculty. I think that was the lowest point of my academic life as a lecturer (and researcher). But good and close people around me gave me strong moral support. I talked myself into letting it go, telling myself it was not my rezeki and so and so.
But I couldn’t take it anymore when he started to rub it in my face. Telling me of the current progress of the research and such. I almost exploded in his face, but I chose to just “fake” the conversation and walked away. Later, I literally walked away from this person and stayed away whenever possible.
I think he noticed and he started speaking ill of me to almost everyone we knew, in hopes that someone would say or know why I distanced myself away from him. I didn’t care much at that point of time, but it got worse when he started involving the students. Some students were kind enough to come and verify with me, some chose sides (his of course) while others just felt sorry for me from a distance.
I was deeply affected. My performance at the workplace was affected; my relationship with everyone (also at home) was affected. I lost confidence in almost everything I did because of his slanderous accusations that he spread to my colleagues and students. I know it sounds stupid. Why didn’t I do anything about it? Well, who would have believed me? The words of a mere lecturer compared to someone who is a senior and has been at the institution much longer than me?
I took the cowardly way out – I looked for another job. Actually, I had been looking for one even before all this happened because I needed a new environment. Before this, we have had disagreements, but I just brushed them off because I respected him like a father. Plus the politics between academicians at the faculty was just too overwhelming for me to handle.
After what happened, I did some self-reflection. Perhaps all these happened because I was too engrossed with worldly matters and started to steer off track. In other words; lalai. So, I started to reorganize my priorities and was determined to become a better someone to everyone around me.
Things didn’t get any better at the office. I was still a subject of slander. But I had silent supporters who did not dare go against this senior lecturer. Although many despise him, he has strong connections with important people at the institution.
This went on for many months, until Allah answered my prayers. I received a better offer from another university. Alhamdulillah.
But, people only saw how easy it was for me to get a new job in this devastating economy where people are being retrenched, but they didn’t see my struggles. Especially how I cried on the sejadah after every prayers, how I forced myself to go to work every morning, how I accidentally had to vent out my anger to my husband and small kids. All of this, just because of one person who I used to trust my life with, betrayed me. People just saw how I normal I looked, as if the bullying at work didn’t have any impact on me.
When I resigned, some people said it was not worth leaving a job at a place I loved so much, and all because of one toxic person. They said, I would meet similar people at the new work place. I didn’t mind. At least, I am now under a different environment, and if Allah destines me to meet another similar human being, I am well prepared this time, because I have learned my lesson. And that lesson was the hardest in my life. And I am most grateful that I had to learn things this way. I have and will become a better academician, and human being. InsyaaAllah.
Before I sign off, I have only three things to say:
1. Dear fellow academicians, I know we have a target to achieve, both personal and for the university, but please, practice what we preach. I have even seen some lecturers use their students for their own academic gain. We want our younger generation to practice good leadership, good ethics and become useful human beings, but we fail to set these good examples.
2. Always believe in Allah. He is the holder of the universe. Ask. Keep on praying and asking. Do good things; be kind to others, especially your parents. It seemed impossible for me at first when I applied for my current job, but I did all these and Allah answered my prayers. This test has really humbled me, and now I promise myself to keep practicing it.
3. Before anyone thinks differently, the Senior Lecturer is like a father figure to me in the academic world. My family and husband knows him, he knows them. So, there’s nothing fishy there. Nothing scandalous. XD
Yours sincerely,
– Allah’s Servant
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit