Sejak dua menjak ni, aku tengok banyak giler post pasal orang kahwin kat FB. So, selamat pengantin baru semua ^^.
The only thing I want to say is, please shower your kids with love. You know, I understand that marriage is such a big deal as it includes all sorts of struggles. I mean like, real struggles. These struggles, sometimes make us forget to love our children.
When I was young, my parents are too busy on earning money. So I kinda don’t have enough love from them (by God wills, this is not a post to complain. I just hope that my confession will make this life better for another souls). So my parents feel exhausted after a long day at work and they didn’t have enough energy to play with me. As a kid, that impact me quite a lot. I lost my self-confidence and I can’t show my love to other people. Haih.
Why? Well, every time I tell my parents how my day at school, I got disappointed when they stay silent and didn’t give any respond. I felt like I’m so small and I don’t need to talk much about myself. It is not important.
If they give me a small reply like,”Ohh yeke. Bagus anak papa ni.” I would be so happy. That’s enough, that’s enough. I wouldn’t want more than that.
Next, when I don’t get enough love from my parents, I can’t love others. I don’t know how.
Folks. Believe me, I understand that, my parents work because they need to give me money. That’s shows they love me. I understand that.
So, when I’m lacking love from them, I felt like it is so weird for me to hug my friend when he or she needs me. It is sucks to be in that state.
I cried, because I can’t show my affection physically. I stay still.
But I tried something. Something that may help me to believe in love of my parents. Maybe there’s more, maybe I mislead the meaning. I tried to manipulate my understanding. At that time, I was 8 years old.
I sketch a lot that night. From 9 pm till 2 pm. I can’t sleep. I felt terrible for being me. I don’t know why. It’s hard to tell what I feel on that night. So I sketch what’s going on, what I can do, is it true or not and so on. I then throw all of them. Because I can’t find the solution. I’m stuck. And I dont know where to go. I remind this again, that, I was 8 years old at that time. A little kid, but I think a lot.
So after throwing the papers, I entered my parent’s room. I look into their faces. I swear to God, I feel sorry for them to have me as a child.
I keep on walking towards them. Every step is so hard, it is so hard. I want to open my mouth and said,”I love you.” But I can’t. I tried several time to say, but I can’t.
I step back, and cried. It is hard for me, maybe not for you. My friends keep on telling me that they say to their parents I love you all the time and scold me for not doing that. I don’t say anything and smiled. I didn’t realised that I felt so sad after hearing those words from my friends.
That night, I cried till I felt asleep. And that night, I realised that I can’t love.
I don’t pity at myself. I only think about how disrespectful I’m as a child. Just that.
Sorry if this post spoils anyone. I just hope no more kids feel like I feel. It sucks. No matter how busy you are, spend some time with your kids. It meant a lot. Bye bye ^^.
– A girl.
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit