Dear confessor “I Lost Somewhere In the Darkness” (https://iiumc.com/i-lost-myself-somewhere-in-the-darkness/) I won’t commenting on sexual harrasment from your superior since many of commentor has already done that.
But I want to share you my experience and this is a long post. Please bear with me. I graduated since 2016 with first class degree.
I have no diploma. Straight to bachelor degree from foundation of science. So I have limitations applying for SPA. I can only apply for bachelor degree’s position and since I am in Biology, it worse even more.
During my degree, my course had no practical or internship whatsoever. I know nothing about real job.
After graduating, I refuse to further my studies, so I go for research assistant, since I’m in the Biology thingy. I was paid per day. It was not enough money but I can support my bills.
Luckily, I didn’t have to pay for PTPTN. My supervisor kind of forcing me to further studies and he promised to raise my pay and paid monthly. I agree since I need that money. That is my BIG BIG mistake.
I have no intention to further at all but I do it anyway. My supervisor asked me to apply for MSc/Phd. Which means after a year and half, I need to convert from master to Phd and I only have 3 years to complete all.
After my application is approved, I was stressed over research thingy. Why? Because I realized I hate researching. So why on earth I agreed to do this? It is because of money.
I tried applying for other job at that time too, and still no news. I already married at this time, so I thought what my parents’ always say is true. “It is because you are married. No one wants to hire a married women”. Turns out, it’s not true.
After a month discussing with my husband, I quit. Still searching for jobs in the small town and finally found one which was as an office clerk. The salary is only RM650.
In 2017 year, the pay is so underated. But, I agree anyway. I need money and thirsty for working experience.
Little that I know, the company hired two clerks but since I am a degree holder, more jobs for me. I work double amount for same pay as the other clerk. My KPI also rated as the same as her.
For that little amount, the giant working burden (not to mentioned, I always get home at 8pm), and my work is about electrical which is totally out of my niche. I quit.
Wondering what I supposed to do. Work is really hard to find. My husband does work, but he get small salary. After years of working, his salary didn’t increasing at all. It is not enough.
So I decided to do business. I work for my business which provides doorgift for events. Alhamdulillah, I got more than I wanted.
But Allah is the best planner. I fall sick during my second pregnancy (the first one miscarriage). I was so ill that I cannot even walk and sit for a long time. I was only on my bed. I cannot entertain my customer, and my business drop. I had miscarriage for the second time.
I was sick for 2 months. And I was tested again with right cerebellar infarction which is stroke and my right parts body is unbalance. I cannot walk and only moved using wheelchair. At 26 years old, I already a stroke patient. Allah is the greatest.
But my condition didn’t make me feel down. Because I have my husband as my support and he quit his work to nurse me. We are living on our savings and our parents’ help.
Although doctor asked me not to walk in long distance, I didn’t listen to him. I walked refusing anyone’s help. I grabbed anything I can to support my body so I can walk again. And proudly after a month I can walk but not as stable as a normal person.
During this time, me and my husband doing western food delivery to home and school. Me with my shaky hands, preparing the ingredients for my husband to cook. I cut my finger so many times. But i do it anyway. It’s an exercise for my hands too right?
Now, I am still not normal. I still have shaky hands sometimes. But I can walk and do works. So I focused on my doorgift business again. My husband and I still applying jobs in SPA.
Actually, I feel a little down when we talk about work. Like who’s gonna hire someone like me? I am not an OKU, but I am not normal too. But my husband always here to motivate me.
You see confessor, our situation is not the same. But we have the same problem which is to get a stable job. I’m not a successful person. But we are human being who needs to survive.
If we do not have jobs, create our own. No need to create a new business, just be someone’s agent or dropship will do. If Allah say we will get work someday, we’ll just have to wait. Keep praying. Be positive.
Someone once told me, her friends has master degree and has to wait for 8 years before she gets a job. In the meanwhile, she’s making and selling chapati. I was inspired by the story. Our time will come too, just grab what kind of opportunity we have right now.
Just remember Allah never turns His back from us. Ignored all the negative vibes, find someone who will motivate you and it doesn’t have to be your parents.
Sometimes parents want results but they forgot to be in the process. That’s okay. Because you have you. Trust your guts. And most importantly, you have Allah. The greatest supports you can have.
– Lavender (Bukan nama sebenar)
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