Why Is It So Hard To Feel Happy?

27M, malay, single. I wake up, go to work, go to the gym, hang out with friends, visit my mum at hometown 500km apart, and yet I dont feel happy.

Watch movies, eat, have sex (never went to a brothel or pay for sex), play my favourite game, swimming, going for a hike, and gardening and yet still feel unhappy.

I see that as pleasure that comes and go, a dopamine hit. That feeling of pleasure is not for long. Happiness is fleeting. Feels like life is a sort of constant suffering.

I dont feel like ending my life or anything suicidal. But I just feel that life is meaningless. I dont get to understand the true meaning of happiness. People advised me to get married. I feel too scared about the idea.

I see and hear many unsuccessful marriages, end up with cheating wife, controlling wife, wife who wants to separate you and your family, manipulative wife. I think that’s crazy. Some even from my inner circle.

I feel scared of marriage life because I used to cohabit with my girlfriend. Ive been with single mum, janda, FWB. So ive seen how they behave and act. Marriage life is not that happy at all.

Some advised me to earn money, and I used to be in that stage where I earned a lot from my past business in healthcare and have 200k + in my savings.

Now Im working again because business was too giving me anxiety to manage and expecting uncertainty.

Before this, I thought happiness is when you have more money, though having 200k++ in my bank doesn’t make me feel happy either, I know there is some sort of security, but not happiness. I still feel anxious with having money.

I feel scared of not knowing how to make more money or feeling scared of losing money. The thought of that amount sitting there just gives me a sleepless night.

Im trying to develop a guava juice business tepi jalan at the moment just for fun while experimenting how far I can go in this new field.

I know that joy when you eat something nice, watch great movies, or love someone who loves you back, or loving cat, having cat to purr on top of your chest while you sleep.

That is just temporary, I long for that when those arent there. Attachement makes me worry, and I dont see that as happiness, and because of that, I feel sad.

I tried joining 3 NGOs. MRA, MERCY, PPPKAM. Helping people, doing charity. Yet when I got back home, I feel meaningless. Almost near to a Nihilistc view of world.

Not to mentioned involved in some dramas in the NGO which causing me to be more sad. I constantly hit with an existential crisis now and then.

I read about gratitude journalling, I tried doing it, I feel nothing. I feel it’s pretentious and pointless. I did meditation, yet it feels relaxing but not happy.

Solat and be close to my religion, joined tabligh for 3 days multiple times, did a lot of understanding and studying, taking notes, be friend with asatizahs, attending islamic class, to a point where I got involved in a lot of debate and yet still feel hopeless and unhappy.

To my Muslim friends, dont worry, I wont budge into thinking of being murtad or whatnot.

I just want to feel happy. I posted something in Facebook about how to become happy, how to achieve happiness, received many reactions and engagement and yet I feel that it is so pretentious and here I am, writing about not feeling happy.

Dear my IIUM Confession friends. What is true happiness, how is it to feel genuinely happy. Some of you can relate to this situation?

For some context, I never do drugs, weeds, ketum, or anything liquid. I only vape and shisha. I dont smoke. I dont drink. I also stopped zina because I dont feel happy about it.

Im applying for my Masters and trying to apply to work abroad. Thanks for your empathetic comment. Hope we can resonate somehow.

– Haq (Bukan nama sebenar)

Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit