“Be sure to notice the collateral beauty. It’s the profound connection to everything.”
– The Collateral Beauty
Here I’am, writing out my thoughts that I believe would greatly help as a friendly self-reminder towards the seemingly fragile yet promising future, the fixed past full of glory yet reek with downfalls and ultimately, the currently breathing resentment of confused yet malleable version of me.
Throughout the circle of life, throughout the ups and downs, I always took everything for granted. As I lived my life with the sole purpose of trying to extinguish the infinite flames of desire, despite the harms and consequences done. I recklessly drove myself closer towards the fire, burning me alive as I do my best to keep satisfying the inner desires that never seem to run out.
With uncontrolled desires, comes the blind direction. With blind direction, comes the part where I land my life steps in unforeseen holes of pain and agony paved throughout harm’s way.
There’s no way I could’ve coped myself with the obstacles and problems I faced in my life. As I fell down in life as hard as my own ego ever existed, I find myself unable to correct them thus prompting me to further hit myself even after I fell hard.
You name it; sex, masturbation, whatever demoralizing actions of negativity that make you forget temporarily about what just tragically happened – or the burdening mental load that you receive after a very long yet stressful day. Some other poor souls may indulge in more harmful way of life intoxicating themselves with alcohols and drugs, lifting them higher above the clouds where they feel no such pain, but nearer to the certainty of death and more distant from the Divine embrace.
I don’t blame them. I understand their struggle. They’re as trapped as they can be with problems they created – just as I do. They’re a prisoner of their own doing. They’re confused, relying wholly on blind gut and corrupted solutions which, to no avail would subsequently carries them a one step closer towards total destruction.
We tend to keep the problems to ourselves, hoping to find a promising solution that might cure or dissolve them away. There are also when we are too ashamed of the wrongdoings we did, we kept them hidden, secrecy under the common belief we didn’t want to disappoint others. And as time played it’s part to bury the past and welcome the future, we get weary as we still couldn’t solve them. And so we gave up our efforts and turned into more…pleasing yet degrading ways you can escape them – for a short time
But amidst the tragic misbehaving, the heavy load that was weighed down on my mind, amidst the mistakes and errors I committed in my life, I often fail to see through the silver lining covering around them, a metaphorical ‘reward’ waiting at the very end. A guiding light through the cracks of life.
Based on a thoughtful movie I watched; Collateral Beauty. The main protagonist, Howard, was suffering from withdrawals of life, distancing himself from society and repeatedly attempting suicide after the tragic death of his own daughter. He literally became nothing but the former shadow of his positive self. Even his own friends tried to do something about it.
But as Howard starts to see his problem from the perspective of three different fundamental elements of the universe; which is Time, Love, and Death, his conscience starts to clear up. He realizes that time is a short gift, that should never be wasted. And through love he related that with the short duration of life you were given, you need to consider about the ones who really loved us, and cared about us. And when he looked through death’s perspective, he eventually found out the undeniable truth of the certainty of death itself, and that there’s no stopping this unseen power from taking away lives. In the end, Howard managed to cope with it and reunited with his wife living a life free from past bitterness, accepting what happened as it is.
The same principle, the same flow goes with what I did. Howard’s fictitious life was somehow nearly identical to what I faced. He encountered his own unsolvable problems, so do I.
I start to think about and look over the problems I carry, of the unnoticed beauty that lies beneath all the heap of troubles, the silver linings. Look more further and you begin to see the solution you had been searching for, which was never about physical actions, but merely more about learning lessons and receiving behavioral innovations. The very awaited ending to the suffering that left hidden scars in you.
My head ultimately cleared. I’d never thought that ‘lessons’ I discovered from the tragic things in life would grant me the peace I so truly needed.
God didn’t actually create us physically perfect yet morally weak and flawed on purpose. He had His own golden motive in the creation of mankind. We were designed to make mistakes, so that we can learn the lesson and cancel the wrongs to exceptionalize the right one. Mistakes innovate ourselves into a better one when we know how to understand it’s nature. So does the life that I bring, however overwhelmingly rotten it can be, there’s always flowers that would bloom upon it.
Take a moment to truly appreciate life, and see through the rewards it brings amidst the gloomy aura it carries like soothing sun rays that eventually pass through after a heavy rain brought down by the dark formation of clouds. For our only blueprint is to make mistake, learn from it and innovate our very selves.
Thank you.
– Is
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