Everywhere in social media, you can find at least a video or a long post speaking about being emotional abuse. And these posts usually specifies emotional abuse in relationships, in family.
My brain got me thinking, Have we all become very highly sensitive? Was it because of our protective parents that has made our feelings so delicate. Our parents brought us up so preciously that has created highly sensitive feelings, it gets affected by everything and anything negative. We get emotional when hearing the hard truth. We have difficulty moving on after receiving comments that actually does not matter. Everything is wrong nowadays. Normal questions such as; “Bila nak kawin? Bila nak timang anak? Bila nak ada anak number 2? Kerja apa? Suami tak datang ke?” is labelled wrong. Where else, these are NORMAL questions. It is a beginning of a conversation. I wonder what is a right start for these Aunties/Uncles to know you better.
Growing up with boys has made me immune to name calling, body shaming, critics and so on. I deal with men who are short tempered at home(husband) and at work(boss). My husband, the only person who is the closest to me thinks I am insensitive and so do my best friends. I do not get jealous when my husband speaks to other ladies, even when I was heavily pregnant. I just don’t. Because perhaps I don’t care. I really don’t care because it does not matter to me. Nothing can break me except Him. And when my boss said something degrading, I did not cry nor did I shouted back at him. I kept quiet in anger planning to send lots of resumes. Shortly after receiving my email with proofs that his anger towards me was redundant, he called me in his room and apologized. He said, it was uncalled for.
Being immune to abusive words has made me built walls that defend my feelings. I will never show others my true emotions because I do not want them to detect and hurt my feelings. In a way, I am sending message to others, you cannot control me. And it goes the same for my husband.
Being insensitive, has taught me that not everyone is able to see the real me. If you are highly sensitive I will not show you my real self in fear that I might hurt your delicate feelings. I have hurt many enough with my words and actions. Coz I grew up with people saying, “Susahnya nak buat kau nangis” (Da kenapa seh nak buat orang nangis)
When I first met my husband then just friend, I realized that he has difficulty controlling his temper. He just cant. And he fits in the typical category of male chauvinist. A man who is in control of every thing even the person he loves. He has history of getting into fights and breaking things. (Alhamdulilah he has never lay a hand on me nor his family.) I read books, to help him be in more control of himself. It helped him a lot. After 10 years, he has mellowed down a lot. I still get shouted at at least once or twice a year. I don’t find it abusive, because I see it as he is in pain. He will apologies when he has calm down and point out to me that he is stressed and pressured. This man I married, is highly sensitive.
I do not get angry easily nor do I cry easily. I do not let my husband know what is in my heart. I do not let him understand me, and I do not seek for his understanding. Because at the end of the day, I think that it is not me who make my husband understand, it is Allah. And when he hurts me with some hard truth, I complain to Him the One Above, I cry to Him and let my tears flow.
I like the fear in his look after every long hour complaining to Allah. I did not threaten him but he feels the threat. I did not punish him, but he feels the pain. He will ask me, what did you tell Allah. And my reply will always be the same,”Secret”
I did not grow up from a violent family. But I grew up molded by my Mother. She let me get myself hurt, and assisted me in fixing my emotions again and again. She did not gave me answers to my problems, she helped me. She was there for me when I needed her, she did not spoon feed me with things. And she made me independent.
This life we live in is tough. And I have to prepare my daughters to learn to fix themselves up every time they get hurt.
One formula that I can share from Surah Muzammil verse 11.
وَاصْبِرْ عَلَى مَا يَقُولُونَ وَاهْجُرْهُمْ هَجْرًا جَمِيلًا
And have patience with what they say, and leave them with noble (dignity)
Have Patience with what others have said negatively about you. If you do not like what they say about you, if their presence hurt you move away from them. Avoid seeing them. Find other friends. Make friends with people who make your heart feel ease. And BE! the people who ease other people’s heart.
Alhamdulilah and Thank You admin for posting this.
– Elle Dee
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