This is one of the hardest parts of my life that til this day I’m struggling to forge through. I don’t know where to start. It hurts just thinking about it. It started so beautifully… The image that I’d thought of when envisioning what life would be when I finally fall in love… Gone like them.
How it all began, when I fell so stupidly madly in love with my girl. Mei (not real name eh) was the type of girl that I didn’t exactly at first glance would ever think of falling in love with. God just thinking of her would make me want to smile wide to my ears. We met during our first year. Fresh off the boat. We were from different courses and didn’t really interacted that much. Knew her existence just by seeing her on campus. She didn’t stood out much. Could label her as just another background character of a story.
But then one day she came up to me to tell that I had food residue stuck on the bottom of my pants. Few encounters after that embarrassing time, we started to hit it off. Of course we started off as friends. She’d always come by to hang and I, unconsciously would always want her to linger around longer. Day by day we got closer and people started to notice how inseparable we were. She was really my best friend. Never a dull moment with her even when both of us were dying from how hard and stressful uni was. I somehow realised I was falling for her. The next best thing of course was to go for it.
I asked her out and it was one of THE best decision I’ve ever made.
We started dating and got really serious with each other. I graduated a year early than her but nothing changed. That’s what I hope for at least. I decided to introduce her to my parents since I’ve met hers. Sadly it didn’t go well and they didn’t approve us in reasons that I can’t provide here bcs it’ll sound too much of drama tv3. But we went for almost about three solid years of being strong in our relationship. Up’s and down’s, she was there the whole ride hand in hand with mine. I wanted to prove to them that we would last and hopefully change their minds. I had plans to pop the question on her convocation day.
Guess things don’t really go as planned. She was pregnant and I was on cloud nine. It went out of our family planning but it didn’t made a difference to how happy I was. I was soon going to be a father and she was going to be the mother to my child. Despite being so happy with the news, I made sure I made it clear to her I’ll be with her through the pregnancy because she was in her last year. We made all kinds of plans to make the best out of our situation.
At this point, I thought of breaking the news to my parents since we needed all the help we can get and deep down I thought maybe letting them know that they were going to be expecting a grandchild would make them reconsider our relationship.
I thought so so wrongly. It worsen the condition more than it was already. They were livid and now was absolutely against us. Adding an illegitimate child to the equation would burden more to their so called ‘name’. I didn’t get them at all. I told them that I had already purchased her an engagement ring so that we’ll be official and it won’t ruin their ‘name’ or water face bs. They just lost it and we had a huge fight. It was the first we were ever so heavy on a disagreement. So far that they even gave me an ultimatum. My parents or her. I was stun and stump. I couldn’t look at my parents at that point and left. I went to the one place that I’d genuinely be happy and that was where she was. I told her everything. I was filled with anger and sadness as I vent to her.
I remember she had her head on my lap as she lay and calmed me down while we talk it out. It was like I was the one pregnant and not her. I told her that I wanted to be with her in the presence and future just like I was with her in the past. It’s cheesy but that’s what I really felt about us. There’s no way in **** I’d leave her now with a baby on the way. Things were left tense with my parents after I’ve decided.
I work during the day and became her personal butler during the nights. It wasn’t necessary according to her but she was the one with a large belly and studying for the finals. Bet her *** I’ll be the most extra in being there for her. I’m so proud of her for taking her finals like a champ while being pregnant. I can never reach that level of boss. Her convocation day was reaching near and I was becoming antsy. I couldn’t wait to get down on one knee and purpose to her. I couldn’t wait to make her my wife. I couldn’t wait to start out journey as a family. I couldn’t see anything better than starting it with the arrival of our baby girl. It felt almost too surreal and unrealistic since I’ve only seen these in movies. Us against the world. Sounds way too much like a description of a novel.
How I wished it wouldn’t have stayed a description of a novel. The day that was supposed to be one of my happiest day that I’d cherish forever burned into ashes. After the birth of my lil angel, mei wanted us to end. I felt a sword stab me in the chest when she said that. I had to put our baby girl down to properly digest what she told me. She revealed that my parents had been harassing her family for months now. It wasn’t anything dramatic like soap operas are. No hired thugs or death threats. But more of spreading nasty rumors of how mei and her family brainwashed me, multiple false accusations and tons more dirty old timers’ tricks. Mei couldn’t endure seeing her family shamed and live in such embarrassment. What cross the line for her was how brutal my parents were to her parents. The mental torture they put on them. She didn’t want this to happen any more longer. She’s made her mind up about breaking up days before I could even ask her to marry me.
I was broken.
She said “it was for the better good” and that I should reconcile back with my parents. It didn’t felt like it was meant to be but her eyes told me otherwise. We both knew but she wasn’t turning back. I begged her on my knees crying miserably with her hands gripped in mine. I even pulled out the ring for her but she denied it politely. I was beyond crushed and she wasn’t the one to blame. Mei was crying herself but not as bad as I was. She didn’t want me to suffer torn between two. I hated the fact I understood where she was coming from. I didn’t want her to suffer anymore as well. She asked for me to respect her wishes to not see her and our baby girl anymore after this. I might as well die there but I didn’t want to add anymore weight to her shoulders. But this was the point that i knew I lost both of my angels.
Days after was very much a blur to me. She moved out and I’m left with only pictures and memories. I wanted to stop her from leaving but things were already hard enough. On the day of her convocation, I saw both my angels but couldn’t be with them. I sent her a text to congratulate. I watch her read it but shoved her phone in her pocket to avoid spoiling her mood. I get it. I shouldn’t have in the first place. I can’t be cruel and selfish. I wanted to celebrate with them but that was now only in my dreams.
It’s been a year and I’m still not over losing my angels. I know Mei isn’t either. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it because I know my life was meant to be with them and not where I am now. Life goes on and I can’t change the past. All I hope is they’re doing well and fine. I know I lost too easily.
Love, I know you’d know I’m talking about you if you read this. I just want you to know, the pain never ceased. I STILL am in love with you and our daughter. Not a day goes by that I’m not hovered with deep sadness to our last goodbye. If there is any chance that I could meet you and our baby girl again, just once more, please call. I miss you dearly. I love you. Take care always.
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