Salam semua, I’m a man in my mid-20s. Lately banyak gila cases about divorce, putus tunang, breakups and so on. And I just read a confession which story is shockingly similar to mine, cuma ada beza sikit tentang future kerjaya confessor (he’ll becoming a teacher, while me, a future lecturer).
Just wanna give my 2 cents to all peeps out there, b4 u decide to pursue in marriage, make sure to do a checklist about yourself, whether u qualified or not.
Hukum kahwin tu asalnya sunat, but it is interchangeable depends on the situation, be it wajib, harus, makruh or haram. Identify in which category you are in so that no penganiayaan take place after marriage.
Fyi, I’m the eldest son in my family, but I think that I’ve no qualities of a good husband and dad. I’m not a strong person, even my lil bro can defeat me in arm wrestling repeatedly.
I’m scared of many insects and small animals, so how can I protect my wife when she’s in danger since I’m a wimpy ass coward? Seems beyond normal, kan? But that’s the reality. Apart from that, I also loathes bearing too much responsibilities and commitments.
For me, it’s too heavy to be a husband and a father. Tanggungjawab single pun rasa dah cukup banyak dah, don’t want to add more “beban” lagi. I pun tk mintak dilahirkan kat dunia ni dengan penuh tanggungjawab.
Furthermore, I’m suffering from eczema in which I inherited from my dad. Not to blame my dad but he really took a good care of my disease. I’m just confident that I couldn’t do the same as my dad.
Even if my eczema subsides someday, it’s still in my genes and will affect my children if I choose to have kids. I have many siblings, and there’s another sibling who suffers the same, but I’m the one who suffers ezcema the worst.
If I choose to get married and have kids, it will make me seem like nothing more than a selfish man, nak anak sebab rezeki semata but actually letting them facing trials and tribulations in this Dunya.
Saving the worst for the last, I also have some red flags, which is the main reason why I’m in the category haram berkahwin. I tak nak menyakiti dan disakiti oleh my spouse. I’m lack of provider mindset and also tak nak asyik termakan hati je dengan my spouse.
Imagine penat balik kerja then ada je benda remeh nk cari gaduh, serabut je pale otak akuu. Aku salah sikit nk marah, kitonyo dh la mudah merajuk. My dad actually a bit “baran”, I kadang2 terikut2 n tak nak affect my spouse by this shit.
I always pray to Allah supaya haramkan diri I from dijodohkan to any woman in this world, be it yang masih hidup or the dead ones, cuz this world is full of deception here and there.
I just want to implement 2 lagi amalan yang takkan putus lepas mati; a beneficial knowledge (I’m a future teacher) and charity/alms (pray for me to be a generous man).
Untuk jodoh, I pray untuk kahwin kat syurga dengan bidadari syurga je. Even though humans will be more handsome and beautiful than maidens in Paradise, I tetap prefer bidadari syurga jugak sebab diorang never contaminated with sins.
Anggap je la yang doa supaya mana2 perempuan diharamkan kahwin dengan I tu as a way to save them from being persecuted (teraniaya) in marriage, and also my sacrifice for my bidadari syurga cuz she’s willingly to wait me to enter Jannah.
Kalau ada jugak perempuan kat dunia ni cuba2 nak mengurat or nak jadikan saya suami dia (harap2 tak la), saya akan reject dulu cara elok but if dia paksa jugak, saya akan ugut untuk tunjuk red flag saya supaya dia menjauhi saya selamanya.
In a nutshell, tak kira men or women, tanya diri dulu dlm kategori mana. sebab klu semua orang mampu kahwin, takkan wujud hukum2 kahwin ikut situasi like this.
Thanks for reading!
– His Weak Servant (Bukan nama sebenar)
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit
May Allah protects you at all times from whatever negativity that hurts you to this extend.
Eczema part I feel ya tapi itu juga takdi tuhan.
We as a fellow muslims never ever stop improving ourselves better, tu jgk jihad.
Fi hifzillah.
Alhamdulillah baguslah awak ada kesedaran pasal diri awak. Betul sangat tu, ada orang memang x layak untuk dapat title suami/ ayah. Tapi kan, normal lah umur mcm awak tak rasa nak kawen lagi. Perempuan pun sama. Lebih2 lagi ekonomi skrg kan. Tgokla nanti bila dah masuk 30s macam mana.
normal ada pmikiran mcm ni di usia sbgini.okaylah tu dah ada perancangan masa depan.cuma pertimbangkan sikit bab letakkan diri dalam kategori yang haram.secara logiknya perancangan awak memang baik but things to consider…Allah ada keajaiban yang kita tak tahu.Alkisah maryam yg secara logik akal pun mustahil untuk dpt zuriat.Tapi kuasa Allah…benda yang mustahil bagi kita tapi tidak bagi Allah . Betullah kan…akal manusia itu terbatas . Apapun i respect dengan keputusan awak bro! tak kahwin sebab tak nak memudaratkan sesiapa👍 terhibur sikit part scared even a small animals 🗿moga baik” kedepannya .
Ya betul kak, tkpe la klu saya tk kawen kat dunia ni sbb saya nak teruskan istiqamah beramal supaya masuk syurga dan kawen dgn bidadari kat sana, doakan saya ya
its so early to makes this decision . Awak masih muda untuk buat keputusan yang ambil jangka masa yg agak panjang . Sebab” yang awak senarai tu adalah alasan yang kukuh juga sebenarnya , cuma dari sudut lain…salah satu sebab awak buat keputusan adalah awak tak jumpa lagi someone yang maybe boleh mengubah cara pemikiran awak.but once u fall in love (with the right person)maybe jodoh awak…awak akan mengalah dengan semua benda.bukanlah mengalah yang ntahpape.i mean u akan cari setiap solusi untuk kekangan yang ada . yang redha je selama ni maybe lepas awak dah inlove dengan someone mesti u akan fight for ur love . yang dulunya takut tu takut ni tetiba jadi hero to protect your patner .Yang awak nampak mustahil sekarang akan boleh berubah jadi tak mustahil.
Hahaha bkn sbb tk jumpa someone kak, cuma saya nak jadi seorang yg lebih realistik dlm mengenali diri dan apa keputusan terbaik utk sy dlm hidup
You did good by realizing this and that. But there’s a point when i read i felt like actually u didn’t want to have the responsibility after marriage. I felt like this matter was making u don’t have a choice and have to choose to be single forever.
I pray that Allah ease your burden, your commitment. I went through the same as a first child. All the responsible keeps my mind away from married. I had too much on my plate already. Stay strong bro and thank you for being cautious in this matter. I prayed the best for u.
Aminn, terima kasih ya doakan saya 😇
As a woman never an ounce terfikir nak kahwin…dah over 40.. rileks je.. tak ada masalah mental nak kena deal dengan lawlawlaw.
Moga awak ada jodoh jugak yg serasi,. Jumpa yg serasi, InshaAllah terang dunia yg gelap jadi terang..
Huhu nk buat mcm mana dh tt tknk kawen sampai mati sbb tknk aniaya partner, kita doakan je la semoga impian dan doa dia termakbul