Hi dan salam sejahtera semua. Saya ingin mengupas isu mengenai kisah terjadi baru- baru ini berkenaan seorang lelaki yang curang kepada isteri dan menceraikan isteri beliau.
Isu ini saya lihat, ada yang memihak kepada si suami dan ada yang memihak kepada si isteri.
Ada banyak komen- komen daripada netizen mengatakan, “oh, jangan salahkan si suami saja, mungkin isteri ada kekurangan. Mungkin si isteri terlalu fokus kepada kerjaya, mungkin si suami tiada belaian kasih sayang etc”.
Kadang, pelik saya rasa, bila ada kekurangan isteri, terus dijadikan alasan untuk lelaki menjadi curang. Adakah suami ni dilahirkan cukup perfect? Adakah semua suami ni tidak akan ada sikit kekurangan pun?
Kenapa ye, bila suami ada kekurangan, isteri ‘perlu’ terima dan masih menjadi loyal? Jika isteri tu curang, OMG! Dilabelkan sebagai seteruk-teruk manusia. Pergi majlis islam pun kadang diperli-perli.
Ada suami tak jaga badan dan penampilan, ada suami berbadan bau, ada suami pemalas, ada suami too workaholic and totally no time with his own family, but what a wife need to do?
The rules of thumb, just to accept it. Orang akan cakap, in marriage, you won’t get a perfect partner, so you need to accept a person as who he/she is. But, this is not applicable to men! Why?
Isteri selekeh, suami start jadi curang, isteri too focus on work, it is a good reason to cheat on your wife, your wife become fat and unattractive after gave birth, “oh.. man.. she is not beautiful, i need to be with hot girl! ” Why??
I heard a lot of stories, husband bedridden, sakit, and the wife still taking care of the husband, kids, and work hard to bring food to the table.
The wife become a strong lady, jaga anak-anak, taking care of everyone. Did she cheat? No! Setia with her family.
And, i heard a lot of stories, isteri pulak sakit. Isteri tak meninggal lagi, suami dah cari girlfriend baru. Throughout her sickness, husband not even support her mentally, physically, emotionally, in fact keep on abusing her, that she is a burden.
I know there are also good husband out there. I’m not saying everyone, but mostly macam tu.
It make me feel, ketidakadilan di situ, where perempuan need to be super perfect, but being super perfect pun, do you think the husband will satisfied? Tak juga.
They will find teeny tiny issue to blame the wife and convinced everyone that he is not guilty for cheating on his wife.
I have a friend who got divorced few years back. Before they got divorced, they supposed go for counseling. It was an unfair counseling.
Ustaz yang handle that case, keep on condemning my friend without listening to her! Is this how counseling should be? Are the ustaz in majlis islam trained to be a counselor?
It should be fair and not bias, but in fact, the ustaz keep condemning her to the extend my friend become super stress.
Then they supposed to have another counseling session ( part 2). Guess what? Time baru duduk tu, Ustaz tu cakap, “nak teruskan lagi ke kaunseling hari ni? Ke teruskan cerai je?
Tak payah lah kaunseling dah”. My friend sangat terkejut kot! We all thought counseling supposed to help their marriage but ustaz tu pulak mcm nak expedite the divorce process.
So at the end they divorced. At mahkamah syariah pulak, hakim bertanya kepada si suami, kenapa nak bercerai?
My friend’s ex husband cakap, my wife not respect me, my wife doesn’t like my family. Tu je ayat dia.
And hakim not even ask my friend to defend herself. Hakim tu terus cakap.” Ok. So sekarang awak boleh lafazkan talak, – baca text yang saya bagi tu. “.
My friend was in puzzled, seriously no one even asked, e.g define what is ‘not respect’, explain what i did that you can simply said i dont like your family? No.. nothing like that. No one asked her opinion, or ask her to defend herself.
Then talak pun dilafazkan.. and that’s it. My friend accepted it and straight went back home.
Sometimes these made me wonder, is our mahkamah syariah system really function as what it supposed to be?
Adakah keadilan menjadi pillar kepada institusi perundangan mahkamah syariah? Keadilan sepatutnya tak gender bias. Belum lagi kes nafkah post divorce etc.
Anyway, when issue wife yang dicurangi tu. Dah buat laporan and no action done, i can truly understand her.
This is only my own personal thought and view. And i repeat, i’m not telling every man is bad, or semua mahkamah syariah act like this. But these stories is based on what i know and heard.
Cheers everyone!
– Zaiton (Bukan nama sebenar)
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit