Aku ada sorang kawan, ala-ala bestfriend from alternate gender, yang ak suka ‘curhat’ (luahkan perasaan) dan kongsi cerita. Aku lelaki dan kawan aku ni perempuan. Aku kenal perangai dia, dia pun kenal perangai aku macam mana. Tapi sejak masing-masing sibuk praktikal (rotation as medical student), kitorang dah jarang up to date dengan hidup masing-masing.
Kitorang berdua praktikal kat hospital. Tiap sebulan dua tukar-tukar hospital. Hospital lain-lain lah of course sampai kitorang makin jarang jumpa.
Suatu hari, aku ditugaskan kat hospital yang dia pernah bertugas. Dan nak dijadikan cerita dia still ada dalam group Whatsapp hospital. Aku of course la happy. Tapi bila aku tanya tentang apa je kisi-kisi atau “what to expect” from this rotation here, dia macam malas nak jawap dan somehow tak jelas pun jawapan.
I’m okay with that. Maybe dia busy dan ada banyak hal jadi aku cari la info dari kawan-kawan lain yang pernah kat hospital tu jugak.
And so I start working there. Until suatu hari, my senior workmates (more than 6 people) buat salah dan saya tegur la secara general kat Whatsapp group. (Dorang tak datang perhimpunan pagi sampai ke tahap doktor yang urus kitorang marah sebab ramai tak datang padahal semua tau wajib datang). As a junior of course la tak patut (saya tegur) tapi I have my own way of delivering my message. Dan at least, I’m still their senior in term of age and the length of my practical practices.
Dan waktu tu memang saya nak tegur ala-ala selingan iklan dan terus lupakan je pasal tu. Sebab we all know how hard to change a person, even more 6 people. So just when I was about to end the argument, boleh pulak si dia (the one I thought as my bestfriend) defend kesalahan dorang dan malukan saya dalam group tu. And then I just went speechless and silently ignore all next argument that comes out.
Waktu tu, a sense of betrayal felt inside my heart. Seseorang yang saya sangka sahabat tikam saya dari belakang. The impact from her action is fatal. Kenapa? Sebab dari hari tu, I start getting bullied left and right. Like eagle eyes, every little mistakes I made in my practical there are being amphesized as something big. Only a few of my workmates who understand my good intention (from teguran saya tempoh hari) yang baik dengan saya. Since when aku tukar jadi saya. haha.
Never mind that, I ask her (my friend) why she did it. Kenapa dia defend orang yang salah dan malukan saya dalam group Whatsapp.
Tau apa alasan dia.
“Dia tak nak kawan-kawan atau junior dia kat hospital tu benci saya sebab teguran saya”
But her act actually only make matters worse. Bila aku tegur dorang, I have a plan in mind and what to expect and how much tolerance they would have. Her comments in the groups cause my plan to fall apart and almost everyone start to misunderstand and hate me. Just hating is nothing. Tapi kalau sampai ke tahap menyusahkan dalam kerja sehari-hari. Imagine being a loner in a company where everyone else is your enemies. That is the feeling I felt.
Alhamdulillah dalam sakit-sakit tu, aku still mampu berbaik-baik dengan doktor dan nurse hospital. So at least they are the most kind to me.
Sekarang kita berbalik pada masalah perhimpunan pagi yang seniors tak datang. Kesalahan dorang tu malah tambah menyusahkan semua orang sebab doktor panggil semua wakil kumpulan untuk marah-marah suruh datan perhimpunan pagi dan akan ada catatan kehadiran untuk setiap kali perhimpunan pagi. In the end, the one at fault in my eyes is the faulty seniors and my friend who defend them. My only fault is my harsh comment about that, but I know the limit and just about to stop and say sorry before she (my friend) slipped into the conversation and make things worse for me.
Aku bukannya apa. Waktu aku tetap memilih untuk tegur, aku memikirkan jawapan aku bila Allah tanya apa yang aku buat bila orang lain buat salah, buat mungkar. Cara aku mungkin kurang berhikmah, nak tiru style tegas Saidina Umar as. Tapi this is my first steps melawan arus majoriti yang rata-rata menyangka diri mereka betul walaupun terangan melakukan kesalahan.
Sebagaimana ribuan masyarakat Quraisy yang menyangka diri mereka benar menyembah berhala, aku lebih memilih menjadi kelompok ratusan yang melawan arus mengajak ke arah kebenaran menyembah Allah yang Esa. (Metafora)
Sedangkan Nabi saw pun dibuli masyarakat Quraisy waktu nak sebarkan Islam. Thinking about that comfort me somehow every time they (the seniors) bullied me.
To my friend, the one I thought as my friend. I thought you know me already. I thought you know to always ask me first about what I did, before just get into my business and make things worse for me. You know how rash I am. You also know how rational I am. There must be a purpose why I did it so get my consent first before you did that. Thanks to you I’m so angry with you that I don’t even want to talk to you even if I want to.
But I still hope we can remain as friend.
Have a nice day everyone.
– Co-assistant Doctor
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit