Assalamualaikum people,
My name is Melati (an alias of course hahaha). Aku ni perempuan, (obviously daripada nama *rolls eyes*). Hari ni aku nak cakap pasal perempuan yang kedepan, atau bahasa mat sallehnya, forward. What I mean by a forward lady is someone who takes the first step in pursuing a romantic relationship. kepada sesiapa yang tak dengar bila cikgu mengajar English tu, maksudnya perempuan yang mengambil langkah pertama dalam hubungan romantik.
I am what I consider as a forward lady.
Throughout my life, I have never, ever been in a romantic relationship, both by choice and circumstances. Hold your horses though, ladies and gentlemen, before you deem me unqualified to speak about this topic.
I mean, I’ve had my fair share of rejections.
I fell for a guy the first time when I was in primary school. He was my first love, perhaps because we were such stark contrasts of each other. He was hardworking, while I was playful. Dia tu kira honour student lah, in a sense, and while I , too, excelled academically, I was not really hardworking. ALLAH grants me the abilities to quickly grasp new concepts, perhaps because hati pun suci je masa budak budak. (sesi memuji diri tamat) Anyway, I liked him throughout my primary schooldays, up until I was seventeen, when I decided to confess. But lo and behold, ladies and gentlemen, he unfriended me on facebook just before I managed to confess.
I, by nature, am very optimistic.
Aku ingat dia terrrrrr-unfriend. It is important to note that we had ceased any point of interaction after I finished primary school, although being the creepy person I am, I kept on stalking him online. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. We have many mutual friends anyway. Back to the story, aku hantar another friend request. I mean , hello, XXXXX , kau tersalah unfriend aku ni, please accept aku balik.
But he did not.
Thus, one of my very helpful friends decided to send him a request. Ye lah mana tau dia nak stop cakap dengan ajnabi ke, I should not take this personally, then.
He accepted her request almost immediately. It would be impossible to not notice mine that came just a short time before hers.
I understood it loud and clear then.
‘Mamat ni tak suka aku ni’. He disliked me.
I cried hard, I had my heart broken when I was seventeen. Merepek kan, but that was my first rejection.
Well, aku suka lagi kat dia sampai aku umur 19-20 camtu, then I fell for my close friend. Now , this particular friend of mine is a very shy person, bila aku cakap ‘weh, XXXXX, minah tu minat kat kau lah’, he would go, ‘naah, impossible. Takkanlah dia yang lawa tu nak minat kat aku blah blah. ‘ That kind of shy ok.
He was very sweet, so my heart skipped a beat for him. Thus, being the optimistic lady I was, I confessed.
‘Aku suka kau lah.’
I had my heart in my hand, and even though I looked calm, believe me I was the farthest away from being even remotely calm. Seconds passed and he looked up from his notes.
He snorted.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sumpah sedih, I was already friendzoned by my lovely, sweet, charming, but unfortunately dense, close friend. I did not cry though, I was a full fledged woman at 20 years of age, and women don’t cry. I was not joking, tapi dia ingat aku main main. He did not look the least bit shy at my confession, lol. Had I ceased being a woman in your eyes, no.2?
Ok, we went our separate ways, he went to XXXXXXXXXX Uni, myself another Uni. At uni I made friends with another guy of similar temperament. Soft-spoken, caring, motherly, not bad looking, and we became close friends. Long story short, after a few years of knowing each other, I , again fell for another person I should not.
Why do I keep on liking my friends, anyway? Can’t I just fall for a handsome stranger with mysterious eyes and enigmatic smile?
Anyway , this time, I managed to get a proper rejection. I told him I like him, and he thanked me , while telling me he did not feel the same.
That’s fine I guess, just another crack in my heart :’).
I am still good friends with both of no.2 and no. 3, yang no.1 tu nak kawan dengan aku pun tak nak (get yourself a mirror please, bukan handsome pun, what did I ever see in you?) . Sometimes I wonder, does confessing lessen my value as a woman? Should I just keep my feelings to myself next time? Am I a ‘cheap, desperate’ woman when I take the first initiative? However, I would not change my decisions for anything. Had I not confess, I would still be wondering of ‘what could have been’s and everything. Lagi sakit hati.
Kalau lah aku suka orang lain pun lepas ni, aku akan definitely bagi tahu perasaan aku. Apa gunanya aku duduk sorang sorang meroyan dia tak suka kat aku kalau aku tak try pun nak make an effort?
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my story people. HAHAHAHA, feels great to share something with strangers, :DDDDD. Nanti kalau aku confess kat orang lain aku tulis lagi outcome dia ><.
– Midnight Melati
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit