Assalammualaikum PS and pembaca IIUM Confession sekalian,
I hope this post go viral until PS can read this and hopefully can help others too (man or woman included). Mohon maaf jika post ni campur bahasa English dan Melayu, dan mungkin ada grammatical error here and there. Mohon maaf sekali lagi.
So, hari ini sepatutnya hari kemerdekaan PS tetapi Sol main tarik tali, for those yang dah hadap benda macam ni naik turun court, this is normal. I saw your dress, sangat cantik PS so do not tarnish it with tears. Smile with pride dear.
Okeh, PS you should read this sebab as a woman myself, yang dah hadap benda macam ni, and ramai lagi wanita di luar sana sedang berjuang menghadap perkara yang sama, dan berdepan dengan lelaki perangai Sol ni, you should know better. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE.
First sekali, ada beberapa fasa yang PS dah lalui sedang lalui dan akan lalui iaitu Idealize, Devalue dan Discard.
Fasa Idealize ni, termasuk Lovebombing di mana pasangan contohnya Sol akan janjikan bulan bintang dan sanggup buat apa sahaja to get what he/she wants. Yes, literally anything!
Macam Sol kata sayangkan PS dan nak get back, try pujuk sikit and tunjuk effort pada anak-anak.
Then bila dah check into reality, dan bila dah masuk perangkap dia, mulalah dia akan Devalue contoh seperti Sol tuduh PS hubungi ex-BF, kata PS keluar dari rumah dsb.
You are lucky PS sebab your family and family-in-law semua on your side, so you have nothing to worry about. Cuma strategi u ada salah sikit sebab u bagitau ur move terlalu awal so Sol boleh susun game just because he is the “husband”.
Sekarang orang dah mula bosan dengan kisah PS dan your sob story, and orang akan tuduh PS ni nusyuz or derhaka. Lama-lama masyarakat akan mula muak with your story and assume you just nak perhatian.
You should learn a bit daripada sis RR kita dengan shuben player bola kaki tu, siap dapat tuntut nafkah anak dan tunggakan nafkah dulu.
This is war, not a battle. And fasa terakhir adalah Discard, which u dah experience pun rasa macam jadi lap kaki je kan…
You already take necessary action, which I am so proud of you PS. You have financial and moral support from many side so I think, you are good to go.
Just my 2cent, for you and also other men/women out there yang fight battle dekat court is the public perception and court procedure adalah 2 perkara berbeza.
Lama-lama nanti, Sol akan main sentimen anak, But imagine how sad your kids would be if they know this.
All the stories yang you share with the public through media akan dibaca ramai dan anything di internet, tidak akan hilang. One day your kids will know dan imagine the heartache they will feel.
They will read everything on socmed one day, and kalau naratif dari Sol lain, they will get confuse dear.
So please, stay down from socmed dulu dan no need for you to show his side because manusia macam Sol, ramai sangat sebenarnya yang kena narcissistic abuse like you, and memang dia sengaja nak trigger you marah sampai meroyan ke, that’s their game.
C’mon PS, you are wiser than this, kan kalau berhujah dengan orang jahil kita takkan menang? so relaks..
Please listen to Dr Ramani di youtube, banyak guideline dia ajar cara berdepan dengan manusia macam Sol ni.
I know you are busy with work schedule, but try to listen to Dr Ramani and her guideline contohnya guna teknik grey rock method or just tak payah layan je manusia macam Sol ni.
I learnt and guna cara ni for my ex, which works wonder to my mental health and also my emotion. Teknik grey rock ni ibarat kita jadi batu layan dia, just with facts and jangan guna emosi.
Yes, u menangis tu ibarat a win for Sol dah coz his aim is to hurt you. bila you hurt, he knows where to poke you next so beware.
If issue adalah tentang harta, plan your strategy wisely to hurt him there. biasalah lelaki macam tu, duit mesti jadi isu. My ex sampai sekarang kalau I message nak claim spending on his daughter, confirm meroyan. sumpah I macam2 then try nego lagi.
Normal la tu. Luckily I got ample financial support and moral support too. Selalu buat macam tu bila dia asyik nak tuduh I ada lelaki lain…
I have 2 daughters kena urus with parent yang tak berapa sihat with me, think I got time nak main lato-lato nak geli-geli? tak kuasa!
Dapat tidur 6 jam pun dah heaven sangat dah. Plus, tak nak kahwin lagi sebab malas dah nak mandi junub pagi-pagi. Better spend solat sunat ganti mana solat-solat dulu…
Ni pun dah umur berisiko nak mengandung. Tak kuasa lahhh… banyak lagi perkara lain lebih berfaedah daripada lelaki. Opss, sorry melalut.
To PS, reduce or kalau boleh stop all the media attention, commentary or say anything bad tentang Sol dah please. Lama-lama orang akan muak with u, and they will side with Sol and Ira.
So, fight your battle silently from socmed. Apa pun u kena hadap you already have an army with you so you don’t need netizen to back u up pun.
Apa netizen ni boleh buat pun? tambah dosa je mengumpat nanti, and it is because of u jugak coz u keep posting on socmed. Settle ke masalah u if post kat socmed tu?
So chill sis, this is a war. Kena guna cara Sun Tzu, bertenang dan rangka strategi betul-betul. Plus, he does not deserve all the attention pun.
His mom pun akan post jugak and her mom memang ada veto power over him, and her support always with you so stay at your Queen chair, buat dek jek. Stay grey rock.
U already got injuction towards IK’s family, and Sol plak, it will take 2-3 years minimum to fight the battle in court.
If Sol main sentimen anak, tell him everything must be put black and white. Selagi belum ada B&W dear, he will definitely change his mind sebab he just want you to play his game.
Stop playing his mind game by having no reaction at all. He does not deserve even a single tears from you anymore. Anak-anak memang akan buat you rasa boleh nego and let go, so for now, tuntut je mutaah you sekali.
Since you entitle to share apa dia dapat kan. Berbaloi jugak air mata you tu. I know you hurt, ramai wanita been there done that but only because they are not celebrity, so taklah masuk media.
Whatever it is, always make sure do plan 10 steps ahead. I know you cry today sebab kecewa because ingatkan benda dah settle sebab dah “bincang” elok2 kan? haha!
He only want to hurt you so he knows you weakness dear, so don’t play with his game anymore. lepas ni TTL je (talk to my lawyer) je.
Biar lawyer bincang dengan lawyer, if takde penyelesaian.. lalui je semua prosedur macam biasa… ingat Sol tu nak mengalah ke? c’mon dear, you know better.
Apa pun, I wish you untuk teruskan bersabar. Yes, I know dah tahap habis sabar u tu, but teruskan bersabar sebab Allah janji Dia akan bersama orang yang sabar.
Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan you dear and please take care of your health too. Allah ada dear, jangan sebab u rasa frust, u malukan Sol on socmed, post bagai-bagai bukti u ada. U ingat dia takkan main block2 u tu ke? it is a mind game sis so mental kena kuat.
For others yang sedang berdepan dengan perang yang sama di kamar hakim, relaks. perang ini panjang, lama dan menyeksakan so kena relaks dan tidak panik. Kalau tak guna lawyer, at least seek lawyers advice.
Tak cukup duit? pergi minta nasihat guaman free kat mana-mana biro bantuan guaman.
Kalau swasta, biasanya rate RM100-200/hour just untuk consultation. Buka fail di mahkamah rendah took around 1.5k-3k (buka file ni biasanya 10-20% daripada kos guaman).
Kes mahkamah tinggi plak biasanya 4k and above untuk buka fail (harga tertakluk kepada firma guaman tapi price range tak jauh beza la).
Ilmu kena tinggi nak fight kat mahkamah kerana banyak technicality. Ramai yang disabit dan terlepas juga because of technicality. Dah lama bodoh kan, so belajar sikit.
I was stupid too, and learn banyak through reading dan dapatkan nasihat pegawai agama, kaunselor, doktor dan peguam.
Yang ada pasangan perangai macam Sol, please jangan proses dan ambik hati apa ur partner tulis/cakap/buat coz banyaknya wayang je. My ex siap pos bagi sedekah kat budak-budak, tp duit bulanan anak sendiri tak bagi.
Hari ni dia tuduh2 I macam2, esok mesej minta maaf merayu peluang kedua. Haha! sorry lah.. dah insaf dah. I’m not stupid anymore. It is enough when u made my parent cried over all ur words towards them.
I’ve had enough and I know PS, u had enough too. So dah-dah la post kat socmed, buat tambah dosa je. Dosa tu tak berbaloi pun for u sebab Sol tak deserve pun u pergi minta maaf dengan dia.
If anything u nak buat, guna cara and prosedur yang betul and ingat if anything u nak buat, ingat Allah.
Setiap kali nak post of socmed, Ingat Allah. Ingat post kat socmed tu settle ke masalah u? orang akan kutuk u lagi ada lah.. and it is because of u jugak coz u pergi tunjuk. tutup aib tu wajib tau, walaupun u sakit. teruskan bersabar…
To all, sebab dah nak raya ni, wish jugaklah Selamat Hari Raya buat semua. Maaf zahir dan batin. Ingat, biar single janji bahagia. In shaa Allah.
– Mama Fatin (Bukan nama sebenar)
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit