I was a cheerful kid back then. But one day, when i was 11 years old, my world seemed darker, i was afraid on that time. I was feeling itchy on my knee. Then, i noticed that there was a red patch on it. I then expected it was a skin disease because my mom also got it. My mum got an eczema. I was worried because I was a girl that used to wear a short pant. That ‘thing’ on my knee made me down as it looked like ‘kurap’, it was ugly. Then, my mother and I went to a doctor. I asked doctor, is this an eczema as my mother got ‘thing’ like this? The doctor then said yes it was an eczema, then she prescribed me cream for it. After a while, it seemed better and thank God it was gone.
However, after some times it appeared again on my skin. I was very sad. This time, it didn’t only appear on knee but at the other parts of my bodies like back, ears and scalp. I again went to the doctor, she suggested me to meet the dermatologist to examine my skin condition. I made an appointment at the hospital. After few months I came for the appointment. Doctor diagnosed my skin as a chronic autoimmune disease called Psoriasis. It is caused by an overactive immune system. It is commonly triggered by ‘stress’. Psoriasis is a skin condition causes the rapid buildup of skin cells. This buildup of cells causes scaling on the skin’s surface. Typical symptoms on skin are whitish-silver and develop in thick, red patches. It is also a super dry skin condition. Psoriasis can also lead to another disease like Psoriastic Arthritis that can affect someone’s joint to cause damage.
Now, I am already in my 20’s. I have been suffering from this disease for more than 10 years. As I am getting older, my skin is getting worse. Psoriasis has affected almost 90% of my body. It is everywhere, on my scalp, face, ears, hands, legs and back. It is worsening after I finished my studies and get a job. I don’t really feel stressed with my job but I think my body is. Sometimes, we don’t even realised that we are stressed until our bodies show the signs. This skin condition truly affects me physically and mentally. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I am so freaking tired with the people who asked about my skin. I am afraid that I might be depressed as my skin is not like everyone else. My insecurity does kill me. I frequently cried and totally sad with my skin, I am so freaking tired. I tend to wake up at 2 A.M as my skin is super extreme itchy. I scrath my skin till it bleeds. I can see blood all over my attire. I don’t know how to say how painful and itchy it is. It feels like you have been bitten by hundreds of mosquitoes on your skin! This disease is not contagious as it only affects the immune system of people who have it.
To those who know anyone with this kind of chronic disease (or could be anything else), please support them. Don’t be afraid to befriend with them, it is not contagious. They are humans too like you. While, to those who have this kind of chronic disease, be patient and keep calm. Dunya is just a place to travel and not to stay. Your pain is just temporary. With the will of God, every disease will have cure. Please pray for me that I can be strong even though I am not and to meet spouse that can understand my condition.
Salam alaik…
P/s: Sorry for any grammatical errors. I’m not so good in english, I’m just used to write in english. Thank you for reading.
– Ainul Mardhiah
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