Assalamualaikum and thank you in advance just in case this confession is published. I’ve been wanting to share this for quite a while but I could never find the courage to do so until now. I feel like all muslims should know this, and those who had known this, alhamdulillah and may Allah ease your journeys in this world and after.
I’m about to share how I found peace. And if you think “That’s it? I feel at peace already! Pft!” well then you may or may not proceed reading. But ask yourself, are you TRULY at peace?
Do you feel peace when you found out you are running out of money? Are you at peace looking at or thinking of all the work that you have yet to finish? Do you feel absolutely calm when you lie on your bed at night, thinking about the unknown things that are about to happen tomorrow?
I never felt that peace until this year. Until I try to sort my priorities, putting the most important on top. Do you know what that is?
MY PARENTS.
I used to come home late, I thought that I have to work really hard at my workplace so that I would be at peace when I come home. But it didn’t. I came home feeling exhausted, and that was all I got. I thought that I have to earn a lot of money to support my parents. I gave them monthly allowance and went on living a hectic life. I thought I did my job, but… it didn’t work. I still feel anxious. I live with my parents. I buy the groceries and stuff. I thought I was doing my job. I was wrong.
I kept thinking and asking Allah why couldn’t I feel peaceful? Why do I keep feeling anxious? Some of my colleagues go home with unfinished work but they seem so…calm and serene? What did I do wrong? I did my job, I worked hard, but why can’t I be at peace?
Until the beginning of this year, I realized that my work had been number one. I thought, maybe it doesn’t belong there. Then what belongs at number one?
Then I started to do my work as much as I can and returned home with unfinished ones left at my workplace. I returned home, and instead of going to my room and sleep, I sat at the kitchen and chat with my mom. I’m pretty much a quiet person, but I try to talk as much as I can with her. Sometimes I talk to my dad too, though he’s much quieter than I am. I ate with them as much as I could, even when I felt full because I wanted to keep them company. I kept this up.
Two weeks later, I found out that there were pending bills to be paid. Lots of it.
Honestly, if this was a few months back, I would’ve cried and fall into depression, because I don’t earn that much. This had happened before, in 2016 to be exact. I was totally devastated when it happened.
But, surprisingly, I felt calm. The only thing that I thought was, “Just pay this. For mom and dad, just pay this.”
And now I only have a little amount of money in my bank, which I’m not sure will suffice until my next paycheck, but I felt happy anyway. I have a LONG list of work to do, but I’m dealing with it calmly, unlike the ‘me’ a few months back. Ah, I probably have the right thing at number one now.
Sadly, I only discovered this at the age of 26. If only I learned this lesson a few years back, I could probably save myself from depression and suicidal ideation a few years back. I could probably live a happier life. Though it’s never too late to learn, I just wish.. I learned earlier. Which is why I wrote this confession. I want people, especially youngsters, to know this.
If your parents are still around, prioritize your parents. Cherish them. Talk to them. Eat with them. Buy them the things they like, it doesn’t even have to be expensive. Buy them their favorite brand of bread, or their favorite snack, or take them out to eat sometimes, nowhere fancy, they don’t care anyway; as long as you spend your time together. Know what they like. Love them. If you can, pray with them, help them out.
Sure, problems will arise, you’ll cry sometimes, but you’ll feel like things will be alright.
Even if it’s hard at times because you’re just too exhausted, but trust me, it’s totally worth it.
Insha Allah, with their blessing, you will feel calm.
– Kei
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit