It has been a year since I started my degree life. Considering that I’m meeting new people in degree is such a bless but it turned into the way I never imagine it to happen.
I am living in a house where there are eight of us, six of the same course and another two of different courses than me. And like other people, I have a roommate. In last semester, we had some arguments ((which I really think should never existed)) and our relationship is kinda not in a good way like we used to be. I tell you, we fought over small matter but it, in some ways, turned us into enemy. When we first started to argue, I tried to explain myself, but she didn’t show any sign of trying to make things up. Y’know when you are living in a room where the surrounding is unfavorable for you, you just want to stay away from that situation. So, I kept myself away from my room, as I thought that it may give her time to think wisely. I stopped staying up in my room and spent most of my time in Musolla or what we called as surau.
As time passed by, I truly can say that it was hard to endure all things by myself; walking alone in the college, not having anyone to talk about subjects, watching your roommate looking all fine with other housemates. Not to mention that my other friends ((in this story, my housemates who are in the same course as me)) are changing as well, in the way they talk to me matters that somehow only my roommate knows. From that, I knew that they were talking behind my back. Nonetheless, I’m grateful, for the things that Allah showed to me later on. Not long after that, Allah replaced them with bunch of awesome people ((but this is not the main reason I’m doing this confession thingy))
Fyi, I’m a type of girl that loves to update my life in social media. I don’t have Twitter, but I do have Instagram. So yeah, igstories have been my medium to share what is happening in my life to other people i.e. my friends & followers.
One day, I found out that those girls had a group named CMB ((not a real name)) & literally what they were talking in the group was about me, from the beginning till the end of it. Most of the time, someone would screenshot my igstory and send it to the group. Their judgment & criticism continued as if they truly hate me like I did so many mistakes to them. Bad words like anjing, setan, perempuan gila, you name it. They had it all in their conversations, calling me by those names. It hurt me as I never once call people by that horrible names and it hurt me more when my roommate did not even defend me, but she joined the party as well. My heart broke into pieces.
I never imagine what I put in social media can actually bring harms to myself i.e. getting hurt by their words. I was confused. They acted so nice in front of me, pijak semut pun tak mati. Talking to me nicely, even with smiles! But ayyy, their conversation in that group truly shows me the real them. The real definition of who they are. Weeks passed, I began to realize that I need to move on from these toxic people. I made changes in my life, a good one. This whole thing gave a huge impact on my life. I could finally breathe without the need to worry about what others are going to say. I feel calmer.
The reason why I’m sharing this confession to you guys is to at least give encouragement to those who are facing the same situation. Be strong, you will get there. I learnt that Allah is giving me a wake up call from everything and that He knew that I’m strong enough to face this, so He tested me. I really can see the hikmah behind things that happened & I’m really glad that I’m the chosen one. Imagine if I didn’t know about the existence of the group and the fact that they were gossiping about me, even there were some untrue stories about me evolving around them, the one that they made up themselves, I would surely be like stupid people, hoping for this toxic relay to work out.
I am beyond grateful, tbh. Yes, it was full of ups and downs, but alhamdulillah, inna ma’al ‘usri yusra. With hardship, comes ease. To the one who is reading this confession, I hope you can make a change by preventing yourself from becoming such people. Our words can hurt other people, either it is intentionally or unintentionally. Stop gossiping, stop looking for others’ flaws, stop downgrading someone for your own benefits, and finally stop being a JJ; a jealous-judgmental person. I tell you now, jealousy can ruin your life, so stop feeling jealous over others’ happiness. Find reason to be happy. The world would be a better place without toxic people in it.
To the people mentioned in my story i.e. my roommate and other housemates involved, ((just in case if you happen to read this)), I hope all questions you left me the other day, have been answered i.e. the reason why I unfollow-ed you guys in Instagram and why I have been replying your messages with only one sentence: I’m okay. I need time that day. I was totally confused with everything that was happening and it took me a lot of courage to finally confess about this thing and I know, even if I tell you through messages, I believe that things are going to become worst. I was hurt by your words, which I never expect to receive from you, my roommate whom I share almost everything with. Nonetheless, I was grateful that I managed to confront you the last day of our semester and know that everything I say was true, although things were not becoming any better.
Lastly, the thing that I want to say is about rights. Remember the reason why we first started to argue? And this unfollowing thingy? These are my rights. I have my own right, and so do you. Everyone does and it takes full of respect in order to tolerate things between us. You should had never get mad at me at the first place, as it was my right to do so. I believe it is as simple as that & I know you can understand this really well because the only thing that become a barrier is your ego.
I believe that if you guys are part of my story, you’ll understand the whole reason behind this confession & I hope that it somehow, in some ways, will jentik your hati to change and become a better person. We still have lots of things to learn, life is too short to hold grudges. I’m just writing this to let you guys know and also as ibrah for me and other people as well. You all have been forgiven and when you are ready, just come to me and say hi. Forget about this matter and start a new life, in a better you.
Thank you for making time to read this confession, I bid you all nice day ahead, adios!
– A
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit