Assalammualaikum dan hai semua. Aku Nur, a 25 year old woman. First of all terima kasih admin sebab approve post. Mohon admin hide identiti aku. Honestly aku tak ada sapa nak share psl masalah ni. Aku nak try psikoterapi servis tapi aku takut. Takut benda yang tak pasti or kemungkinan benda lain yang akan jadi. Aku bukan saja2 nak cuba tapi masalah aku selama ni memang tak ada penghujung.
Senarai masalah jiwa aku:
1. Aku susah/tak suka marah orang dari kecik. Misteri yang aku still xfaham. Even kena buli pun, aku buat tak endah, biar ja diorang kutuk aku depan2.
2. This one agak susah nak explain, so far xda terms or perkataan nk gambarkn apa yg aku rasa. Bila aku nervous/sedih terlampau selepas satu insiden memalukn aku jadi ralit/lalai utk beberapa jam sehingga berminggu. Otak aku mcm shutdown utk bt apa2. Byk kejadian jadi bila aku prnah tertinggal dompet, bayar xamik baki(lebih rm10) n etc.
3. Overthinking ni aku rasa start at age of 13. Aku disisihkn kwn. Aku tau aku pelik so obviously aku xbyk kwn. Fasa ni la yg paling seksa sepnjang aku hidup, ayah aku curang (pompuan tu stahun ja beza dgn aku) tapi mak tetap tabah tggu ayah. Seingat aku almost a year aku mcm hilang arah. I am a cry baby, almost everyday within that year that aku nangis. Rmh mcm hospital sakit jiwa, terpekik terlolong my parents gaduh daily.
4. Gosok tangan klu nervous. Paling susah nk control, byk yg mnganjing aku.
5. This is the most hard and embarassing thing I have ever committed. A porn addict. it started at 11/12 years old me. Abang punya, tapi at that time my addiction was still in control. It was not daily, more like a weekly dose. I know aku jijik. Bila abg stop download and its just stop itself. So mcm mna bleh trigger blik? Bila sambung degree aku hadapi situasi yg sama mcm smk, kena pulau. Sunyi byk nangis then tuba2 nk cuba balik. Kebodohan yg sgt jelas. About 3 years since then.
6. Prnah cuba nk commit suicide. Masa tu zaman sekolah, age not sure when, pisau dok letak elok ja tangan, cuma xsmpai hati nk hiris. Then bila amik degree, kolej depan main road so setiap kali lintas byk kali prnah trpkir nk bunuh diri.
Thats it so far, and please I beg you to give me any recommendation about any great psychotherapy service that you or your family have gone through. Personally aku prefer online because to admit I am a porn addict while wearing a tudung is a humiliation. But still any method of psychotherapy services insyaallah I can consider to cure myself.
Ps: aku tau ada byk benda yg aku xshare about family background, certain kejadian n byk lg yg korg akn rasa pelik. Tapi bg aku klu aku buka smua its too obvious utk org trtentu bleh agak siapa. Assalammualaikum.
– Nur
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit