Untuk part I, (https://iiumc.com/you-get-what-you-give/).
Aku tak tau if a second confession is necessary but sometimes it’s good to know the other side of a coin and gain a different perspective. Sejujurnya aku tak baca semua komen pun sebab hati tak kental. So Fathi yang sibuk volunteer nak jadi reporter.
However, I did notice a few people said that my story was too unreal to be true. I understand sebab aku sengaja omit part yang tak best and painful for me to remember. Also because I have made peace with all the dark memories.
Anyways, let’s walk down some memory lanes and please hold back your anger if anything ugly comes out. Throughout the 6 months, ada beberapa episod yang buat aku menangis dan murung. Kerja make-over rumah ni as you know is time-consuming and energy-draining. Mind you that I did most of the works alone.
Pernah sekali Along pulang dengan famili dia dalam keadaan rumah tu bersepah sebab aku tengah sort and pilih barang mana yang patut disimpan dan dibuang. Boleh dikatakan setiap ruang ada plastik hitam gebadak tu.
Aku faham Along penat drive jauh but to hear him scolding at me sebab keluarga dia kena tunggu lama before boleh masuk bilik was saddening. Along had no idea aku nak cat rumah tu, so dia ingat aku sengaja kut sepahkan barang. Sadly, the majority of my siblings suka marah aku without seeking to understand the hidden purposes.
Sepanjang bercuti kat rumah, Along duduk je depan TV, main dengan anak dia while me frantically kemas sebab risau if Along meletup lagi. I received no help from him, at all. Dia tengok je aku alih display perabot seorang diri.
Angah pulak selalu hentam cara aku jaga kucing kat rumah. I’m no vet tapi aku suka pergi cat shelter kat Boston dulu dan tolong apa yang patut. So I know enough that cats should be vaccinated, dewormed and ultimately castrated or spayed.
Asalnya kucing kat rumah aku ada 2 je tapi these makciks sempat menggatal and bunting sebelum aku sempat buat apa-apa. From 2 jadi 10 in no time. Maka aku pun belikan la cage untuk mereka anak-beranak. Aku kurung the kittens with their mothers sampai cukup 2 bulan then baru aku send in the mothers for spaying.
Angah bebel, cakap kesian kat those cats sebab kena kurung. Cats are meant to roam around and live freely, he said. Of course, yang bagi makan kat kucing tu bukan dia tapi aku. Tukang tanam mayat kittens yang mati sebab abandonment pun aku jugak, bukan dia.
Bukan sikit tapi banyak duit yang aku spent on those cats. I fed them premium kibbles, supplement, ditambah dengan all the medical costs lagi memang amounted to 3k lebih. All Angah cared was the fact that kucing tu semua tak bebas. I didn’t plan to cage them forever, just until they got spayed or castrated sahaja.
Ada satu minggu ni, 4 ekor kucing kena bacterial and fungal infections. My bad because I was extremely occupied dengan benda lain sehingga takde masa nak basuh cage kucing. So I had to isolate uninfected cats tapi takde tempat lain dah kecuali toilet yang jarang diguna.
Kebetulan Angah buka pintu tandas tu dan kucing kat dalam pun berkeliaran la keluar. Terus Angah tengking aku. Apa ni kurung kucing dalam rumah? Tak tau ke kucing tu kotor? Nak solat pun tak sah nanti. Aku yang dengar ni automatic dapat brain-freeze and menangis. Probably because I was too tired with the painting and treating the sick cats.
Mak nampak what was going on but instead of defending me, Mak pilih untuk diam sebab Mak takut nak lawan anak lelaki dia. Mak datang ke bilik aku untuk pujuk tapi aku tepis macam tu je. Bagi aku Mak antara punca kenapa Along and Angah biadap. Since then aku berazam untuk tidak menjadi seorang ibu yang berat sebelah. If I see my kids commit anything wrong, aku tegur je regardless gender.
Abang, the third sibling is the most okay brother out of 3. Aku tak rapat sangat pun dengan dia but at least dia takde la menyakitkan hati sangat. Dia tak berapa suka cara aku hias laman but it was the best decision considering my budget and kudrat. Cuma aku ada la terfikir, kenapa orang asyik nak question things yang aku dah buat? Kalau pandai sangat, buat la semua tu sendiri kan? Ini tahu kritik je. Bukannya nak bagi solutions to certain problems pun.
Kakak was my saving grace. If she came home, mesti dia pun tak duduk diam sebab sibuk tolong aku. Dia tak bagi aku buat semua kerja tu sendiri tapi nak tunggu dia balik rumah punya la berjanggut so I had to continue on my own. Aku tak sanggup nak bayangkan what would happen to Mak if I weren’t here. Rumah buruk, baju Mak pakai dulu pun macam takde beza dengan alas kaki. Aku jugak la yang pergi beli pakaian baru. Betul la orang cakap, anak 10 pun belum tentu boleh jaga 1 mak.
Even dah kahwin, Mak still kena masak untuk anak menantu. She never complained but please look deeper. Mak kita ni dah tak banyak tenaga. Aku selalu mintak maaf sebab it took me so long to grow up and help her around.
Mak menangis kat situ jugak sambil genggam tangan aku kuat-kuat dan cakap takpe. Sebab tu aku tak hairan sangat when kawan-kawan semua kahwin awal dan ada anak because I knew what I was doing. I lived my days with purpose dan urusan aku nak selesakan Mak belum selesai. Marriage can wait but Mak can pass away anytime.
These are the best parts. After aku siap cat, kemas dan hias rumah, Along pun pindah masuk bersama keluarganya. Basuh kaki then enjoyed the new-looking and spacious house, without a single thank you sebab dah cantikkan bilik. Not a single apology either.
Previously, he lived with in-laws and family wife dia agak susah. Waktu rumah tu buruk, punya la susah nak jenguk Mak. Mungkin Mak nampak aku kurang senang dengan kehadiran Along dalam rumah tu, jadi Mak menggesa Along untuk cari rumah sewa secepat yang mungkin. So Along stayed situ selama 4 bulan sahaja.
Angah was worse. Setelah aku siap kasi dan gebukan kucing-kucing, he sold them to people! Angah tinggal seekor je kucing kat rumah untuk aku jaga. Angah memang gila. He didn’t talk to me about the selling and kept the money all to himself.
Aku bukan nak duit tapi aku mengamuk bila tahu yang kucing-kucing tu semua dah dijual. I stopped talking to him since then until Fathi persuaded me to be a bigger person and forgive him. If it weren’t because of Fathi, aku dah disown Angah tu. He made money out of my sweat and tears.
Apa yang aku cerita ni sikit sangat compared to what truly happened to me. Tapi aku rasa tak perlu la kongsi semua. Cukup to leave some impacts on your thoughts je. Surprisingly, Along dan Angah adalah manusia yang sangat friendly dengan orang luar tapi layan aku macam sampah. That’s why I didn’t have any problem getting along with Puan N. I’d rather hanging out with her yang kurang ramah but sincere than humans yang overly peramah but treat their own family like trash.
After kahwin dengan Fathi, aku jadi jakun kejap. Dia anak dan adik yang sangat baik. Cara dia cakap dengan Puan N pernah buat aku sedih thinking why my brothers have never talked to me that way? Full of respect and love. Fathi ni selalu peluk kakak dia but I never hugged any of my brothers.
Masa akad nikah dulu aku menangis jugak la sikit thinking I’m safe from my brothers now, I have a very protective husband and no one can harm or hurt me anymore. But prior meeting Fathi, banyak scenes sedih yang aku lalui and I’m glad they’re all in the past.
Ketika upacara membatalkan wudhu’, the first sentence from Fathi was kasarnya tangan you. Nak compare tangan aku dengan Puan N memang la. Puan N tu rajin pergi manicure. Aku ni apa je. Setelah berumahtangga aku diuji dengan kehilangan 3 bayi which I don’t have the strength to share the details. Sorry ladies. Cuma aku harap this confession could make you understand that no one had it easy.
Before I end this confession, it’s funny when people refused to believe that rich and kind guys exist. As if rich and kind can’t be in the same line. Sama-sama la kita mencontohi Uthman bin Affan dan Khadijah binti Khuwaylid. Oh! There was a sister who said I should be a writer. Thank you! Truly appreciate that. Fathi seconds your opinion but you see I’m not great at fictions. No sarcasm intended.
Salam Jumaat and stay safe.
– Hilya (Bukan nama sebenar)
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit