A lot of my girlfriends are always encouraging me to go for “secured” man, meaning lelaki tu mestilah stabil, kerja bagus, ada saving, pakai kereta elok, boleh bg kau makan, belikan brg makeup dekat sephora, belikan designer handbags for your birthdays, can support you financially especially time tengah bulan, yada yada yada.
Bila semua kawan aku berlumba upgrade kereta baru, aku setia pakai kereta dari zaman kolej sampailah tahun lepas, aku tukar kereta. Itu pun aku cuma ada nafsu beli MyVi je sebab kesian orang bercakap dekat mak aku pasal anak dia kerja bagus tapi kenapa masih pakai kereta buruk.
Aku jenis tak mengumpul barang. Kalau aku beli handbag, aku akan pakai yang satu tu sampailah rosak baru beli baru. Itupun kalau boleh repair, sanggup aku repair dari beli baru. Orang rasa aku macam stingy tapi sebenarnya I’m frugal. Shopping baju kau tak payah cakaplah, 6 bulan sekali baru aku pergi beli baju. Member selalu usik “eh kau pakai baju minggu lepas kau jumpa aku eh?”. Lantaklah. I always look presentable despite recycling the same few clothes I have. Pada aku, materials possesion is temporary happiness.
When it comes to looking for partner, ha yang ni aku nak complain. Kawan kawan perempuan aku selalu suka nak tapis lelaki yang nak berkawan dgn aku.
Jgn kawan dgn dia, he has got no car.
You’ve to go dutch on your date with him? Tade duit ke mamat tu?
He didnt get you any presents for anniversary? Dump him, girl.
Aku tak tau lah kenapa semua orang bertuhankan duit sekarang. True, money makes the world goes around but it is not the only thing that makes the world spins. Disebabkan aku kurang nafsu kebendaan, my girlfriends always feel they’re entitled to filter out the dudes who are interested in me. Aku jadi rimas dan end up reduce the frequency of hanging out with these girls.
Tenang hidup aku lepas tu.
I once dated this guy for about 3 years. He earns roughly about 15k per month, so basically money is no issue to him. Kalau kitorang keluar pergi dating, dia bagi je aku makan apa benda pun yang tekak aku nak. Hotel ke, mamak ke, casual dining ke, fine dining ke. he hear complaints from his guy friends, it’s always because their girlfriends asked them to buy things. Where as aku, cuma mintak makan je kerjanya. So he never understands how it feels like to be in their shoes.
But was I happy with the guy? To a certain extent, yes. But it also comes with its’ cons. Kau kena faham, lelaki level dia ada reputation utk dia jaga, ada appearance he needs to keep up also. Aku bukan perempuan selekeh, I’m actually quite fashionable despite pakai baju sama (belajar mix and match skills ni time study dulu sebab student kan mana mampu nak beli baju banyak banyak) tapi after quite sometimes, member dia pun tegur “eh your gf is a ‘very’ simple girl eh?” emphasize the ‘simple’ words in negative tone. After a while aku jadi stress tau. Kenapa aku tak boleh jadi perempuan kurang nafsu mcm tu? Aku ada nafsu lain, tapi bukan materials. Tu je.
Aku suka travel, and most of the time aku travel alone. Aku backpack merata, masuk hutam keluar hutan, pergi negara orang masuk tempat ceruk because that’s where my desire lies. Sampai dekat kawan kawan ex aku, dimomokkan cerita aku ni bukan good wife material. Hmm ok lah mungkin korang betul. But as long as aku tak kahwin lagi, I have no obligation towards him. Kalau dah kahwin aku sedar diri. Tak perlu kot buat cerita mcm tu?
Coming back to my girlfriends, diorang selalu takut kan aku yang perempuan kurang bernafsu materialistik mcm aku ni lelaki tak berapa nak pandang because I dont fit the typical women criteria pada diorang. Sedih wei bila aku dengar mcm tu, it feels like you’re less than a woman just because you’re not as materialistically ambitious as them. They show off their Gucci and LV, aku still pakai Padini and Vincci. For me it serves its’ purpose,end of the story. Pakai plastik bag tesco pun sama je. What’s in a designer handbags? Headache sebab kau berhutang sana sini nak beli.
Kadang kadang aku try untuk be on par with them but I just cant. It feels like I’m being a hypocrite sebab aku nak join the rat race of working myself to death so I can afford all these things. Aku rimas bila dengar org complain pasal gaji tak cukup. Sebab bila desire kau is more inclined towards materials, kau akan selalu rasa duit tak cukup. Kau terpaksa beli newer or shinier things to reinstate your temporary happiness.
Setakat ni aku happy hidup mcm ni, tapi tu lah ada member aku risau aku mcm ni. Takut lelaki pijak aku (?) entah aku pun tak tau. Mungkin diorang rasa aku mess with their market by setting low benchmarks? Who knows. They keep telling me, “be more ‘expensive’, girl. Men dig these kind of things.”
Betul ke tu? Most men mmg nak their girlfriends to keep that kind of standards kah? Aku tengok dlm rom com je mcm tu. In real life mcm tak?
Sekarang ni aku single sebab aku serik dengan ex aku. I thought dating a rich guy would make me happy, but end up aku selalu rasa lonely. There is just too many unspoken rules, aku sebenarnya tak tau nak start kat mana. End up, tapelah. Aku lepaskan dia. Tapi member member aku selalu rasa aku rugi. Because I let a big shark swam away just like that.
Pfffttt.
– Perempuan Pemalas
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit