Hi peeps, I’m an M, mid-20s. I’ve read an article about a confessor who give reasons why he chooses not to settle down.
(https://iiumc.com/sebab-saya-pilih-hidup-bujang-sampai-akhir-hayat/) Well, actually we’re in the same boat! Men like us do exist! And situation kita hampir sama cuma the confessor (Mr. Nothing Special) akan jadi cikgu, while me, a future lecturer. You’re not alone, brother.
So let’s cut to the chase. Lately banyak gila cases about divorce, putus tunang, breakups and so on. Just wanna give my 2 cents to all peeps out there, b4 u decide to pursue in marriage, make sure to do a checklist about yourself, whether u qualified or not.
Hukum kahwin tu asalnya sunat, but it is interchangeable depends on the situation, be it wajib, harus, makruh or haram. Identify in which category you are in so that no penganiayaan take place after marriage.
Fyi, I’m the eldest son in my family, but I think that I’ve no qualities of a good husband and dad. I’m not a strong person, even my lil bro is stronger than me that he can defeat me in arm wrestling repeatedly.
And I’m scared of many insects and small animals, so how can I protect my wife when she’s in danger since I’m a wimpy ass coward? Seems beyond normal, kan? But that’s the reality. Apart from that, I also loathes bearing too much responsibilities and commitments.
For me, it’s too heavy to be a husband and a father. Tanggungjawab single pun rasa dah cukup banyak dah, don’t want to add more “beban” lagi. I pun tak mintak dilahirkan kat dunia ni dgn penuh tanggungjawab.
Furthermore, I’m suffering from eczema in which I inherited from my dad (I don’t know la what’s the disease the confessor currently suffering from, hopefully he’s doing fine btw).
Not to blame my dad but he really took a good care of my disease. I’m just confident that I couldn’t do the same as my dad.
Even if my eczema subsides someday, it’s still in my genes and will affect my children if I choose to have kids. This will make me seem like nothing but a selfish man, nak anak sbb rezeki semata but actually letting them facing trials and tribulations in this Dunya.
Saving the worst for the last, I also have some red flags, which is the main reason why I’m in the category haram berkahwin. I tak nak menyakiti dan disakiti oleh my spouse. I’m lack of provider mindset and also tak nak asyik termakan hati je dengan my spouse.
Imagine penat balik kerja then ada je benda remeh nk cari gaduh, serabut je pale otak aku. Aku salah sikit nak marah, kitonyo dah la mudah merajuk.
My dad actually a bit “baran”, I kadang2 terikut2 n tak nak affect my spouse by this shit. I always pray to Allah supaya haramkan diri I from dijodohkan to any woman in this world, be it yang masih hidup or the dead ones, cuz this world is full of deception here and there.
I just want to implement 2 lagi amalan yang takkan putus lepas mati; a beneficial knowledge (I’m a future teacher) and charity/alms (pray for me to be a generous man).
Untuk jodoh, I pray untuk kahwin kat syurga dengan bidadari syurga je. Even humans will be more handsome and beautiful than maidens in Paradise, I tetap prefer bidadari syurga jugak cuz they never contaminated with sins.
Anggap je la yang doa supaya mana2 perempuan diharamkan kahwin dengan saya tu as a way to save them from being persecuted (teraniaya) in marriage, and also my sacrifice for my bidadari syurga cuz she’s willingly to wait me to enter Jannah.
If ada jugak perempuan yang nak approach saya (hopefully not la), I’ll show her my red flags and tell her she’d made a mistake by choosing me. Banyak je lelaki lain yang baik2 n pious kat dunia ni.
In a nutshell, tak kira men or women, b4 proceeding towards relationship or marriage, tanya diri dulu dalam kategori yang mana. Kalau wajib (kalau tak kahwin takleh tahan diri dari maksiat) then u have to get married.
If makruh and haram, jangan gatal2 nak mengurat, taaruf and kahwin yaa… Sebab kalau semua orang mampu kahwin, takkan wujud hukum2 kahwin ikut situasi like these ones.
Banyak persamaan rupanya kisah hidup kita, Mr. Nothing Special (you’re special to Allah, don’t degrade yourself). Kalau ada rezeki, saya harap sangat saya dapat jumpa Mr. Nothing Special ni :)
– HambaNya Yang Lemah (Bukan nama sebenar)
Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit
Selalu dengar, perempuan X nak kahwin tapi jarang dengar lelaki X nak kahwin. I’m on that side juga. I don’t deserve good guys but sometimes I’m too good for them. I couldn’t let myself become a slave to other people. Taken advantage and so on. Sebab perkara paling aku takut, adalah regrets. Penyesalan. Cukuplah. I’m happy to hear different thoughts about marriage sebab keliling i semua X habis ckp perkara sama pasal benda ni. Dipandang pelik sebab masih tak berkahwin wlpn umur dah atas 25. Stay strong guys. Why bother kahwin if i’m alone can take care of my self? Ada Allah dah cukup.
Betul tu…org ramai byk lupa psl hukum kahwin ni. Dari sunat boleh jadi wajib, harus, makruh dan haram. Even i pun x “berminat” nk kahwin sbb faktor tggjwb n komitmen tu..org lain ckp sng la..yg nk hadapnya aku. Dengan kos sara hidup makin tggi dgn aku yg kdg kala mcm xdak empathy dgn manusia sekeliling and suka buat hal sendiri plus xsuka serabutkn otak dgn mslh. Mslh aku sendiri n family pun mcm2 hal, nnt nk kena hadap perangai laki, anak, mentua, ipar, biras bagai..ish..fikir je pun dh xsggup. And aku xminat nk ada anak, jaga anak kucing dgn kucing pun xlepas, nk jaga anak lg haru. Lgpun, bila ada bdk2 kecik keliling aku, aku perasan yg aku xminat nk layan diorg, termasuk baby yg umo seminggu tu. Org biasanya akan “comelnya baby tu” main2 dgn baby apa semua..tp aku x…dgn ank buah aku pun aku xlyn mana. So aku rasa aku ada mslh emosi.