Hi guys, saya ada baca psl sis yg confess psl ibu mertua n ipar x guna tu. Rata2 komen mengatakan husband kne sediakan rumah utk isteri n xdigalakkan tinggal sekali dgn mertua right? I do agree since i pon dah kawen.. Now Alhamdulillah semua ok. Mudah2an perjalann perkahwinan kami ok. Mohon doa 
Sy ade seorg abg, satu2 lelaki dlm keluarga, n now dia lah yg jd ketua keluarga,. Ayah sy dah meninggal.. Saya n kakak dah berkahwin, seorg adik di u, dan lg seorg masih sekolah..
Abg sy dduk di rumah ibu bersama isteri & anknya Kerana rasa tanggungjawabnya terhadap ibu.sy dan kakak sudah bina keluarga sendiri & ikot suami masing2, cumanya lg 2 adik sy masih ditanggung abg sy.. Termasuk ibu saya,.
Mujur kakak ipar mengikut sahaja, tp sy paham perasaan tu sbb sy dah berkeluarga juga.. Tp itu lah, rzeki masing2 berbeza kn, walaupon kakak ipar dirumah ibu, tp ibu layan dia baik je, mcm ank sendiri cuma kdg2 ibu ngadu,
Ibu lah yg cuci baju dia anak beranak, sidai, angkat & lipat, masak utk mereka, kemas2 rumah. Smpai sy sendiri nampak ibu dah mcm org gaji kat rumah sendiri..Sedih saya.
Ibu selalu ngadu kata biarlah abg pindah keluar, ibu pon byk makan hati dgn kakak ipar..tp.. Xkn kami nk biar ibu sendirian mngurus adik sekolah, hantar dan ambil.. Kesian ibu.. Tp pd pndgn saya, kakak ipar juga makan hati kerana terpksa dduk rumah ibu.. Tp dia bukan kena dera atau apa2 pon. Huhu
Abg sy kerja, ambil alih perniagaan arwah ayah,tggung adik sy lg 2org dan ibu, huhu. Pastu, abg sy juga tanggung keluarga kakak ipar, ibu ayah nya x bkerja, jaga nenek pula,adik beradik nya sorg x bkerja juga dan lg 2org masih bersekolah, byrkn kereta dan rumah lg. Byk kn tggungan abg sy? Doakn dia kawan2.. Semoga bertambah2 rzekinyaa. Aminn
Abg sy mainkn peranannya sebaik mgkin. Saya paham kdg nmpk dia tersepit, tp dia tatau pon bini dia pemalas sbb kalau dia balik rumah dr kerja, kakak ipar akan acah2 rajin.. Ibu sy diamkan aje oh.. Abg akn beli segala2 mende yg kakak ipar nak sbb pd abg, kesian kakak ipar sbb berkorban jiwa raga utk dduk dirumah ibu. Yg itu kami adik beradik lgsung x kisah. Itu hak mereka. Ibu pon x ambil tahu.. Tp pd sy, abg sy pon dah buat too much utk isterinya & keluarga isterinya.kan? Ke x? Hmm kesian abg sy.. 
So kat sini sy nk tanya, relevankah keadaan mcm ni utk abg pindah, bina hidup dgn isteri n anak di rumah sendiri, sdg ibu, dah tua, kne ngurus adik yg masih sekolah,.. Tergamakkah anak2 lelaki yg sama situasi dgn abg sy (lelaki tunggal) tinggalkn ibu sendirian? Dgn rumah ibu yg beberapa kali cubaan pecah rumah berlaku. Tinggal Ibu dgn adik perempuan je berdua di rumah.. ? Bukankah tempat isteri itu disisi suaminya? Cube bg pendapat..
Walaupon ibu selalu ckp, biarlah abg pindahh, ibu boleh je urus rumah sendiri n jaga adik.,sy ajk ibu tinggal dgn sy di KL, tp ibu xnak.. saya tahu ibu sedih sebenarnya, tp ibu sendiri pon makan hati dgn kakak ipar. Ibu kan dah tua, hati org tua ni sensitif tauu.kat mana lg nk menumpang kasih kalau bukan kat anak2 kn? Mcmana ya nk buat?
Kalaulah ayah masih ada…
– Sister ngesot
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit
Raslina Mohd Razak
Zaman sekarang tanggungjawab kena sama2…jangan beban pada anak lelaki jer..anak perempuan pun kena main peranan…sebabnya anak lelaki atau perempuan diberikan pendidikan yang sama rata…so tak kira jantina anak kena sama2 tanggungjawab jaga ibu bapa keluarga.
“Xkn kami nk biar ibu sendirian mngurus adik sekolah”
Baca ayat ni saya imagine adik awak sangat kecik, kena ada orang uruskan dia.
“hantar dan ambil”
Baca ayat ni saya imagine mak awak boleh drive (at a bigger scope she’s considered independent enough to handle rumah without your abang”
In short, saya sokong mereka pindah :)
Aku yg bujang ni pening baca konflik antara menantu dan mertua. Seram pulak mikir ke nak kahwin
Si penulis jgn jd batu api sgt kesian kt abg, kesian kt abg,padahal diorng laki bini bahagia ja, sll nya ipar yg busy body cmni la yg buat pasangan suami isteri sll bergaduh, ade je nk cucuk jarum, buat teruk sgt…si penulis patut jernih kan keadaan, bkn nya sibuk cmni
It was fun reading comments in here. Tah ada yang pernah merasa duk dgn mertua or tak. Beginilah. Duduk dgn mertua ni sbnrnya memanglah mencabar. Lagi2 kalau dok dgn ipar duai yg bukan mahram. Nak adapt kehidupan mereka, rules mak mertua dsb. Aurat lagi. Pergi bercuti kena fikir orglain yg nak ikut. Nak romantik2 jangan haraplah. Ada jugak to the extent mak mertua lbh trust maid dr menantu sbb semua keja maid je buat selama ni. Well, what to do. Tanggungjawab isteri ikut suami kan? Kenalah ikut. Lepas tu adik2 ipar pulak jenis suka menilai prestasi akak ipar seolah2 akak ipar tu tengah amik exam. Mcm2 hal lah yg funny nak diperkatakan disini.
Pokok pangkalnya, memang tak mudah duduk dgn mertua. Walau baik manapun beliau. Sbb kita dtg dr acuan berbeza. Expectation pun tak sama.
Langkah lebih baik sepatutnya adik beradik kena sama2 bekerjasama take turn utk jaga ibu. Jgn pandai sembang je. Kalau rasa risau ibu terbeban jaga adik2 masih sekolah, why not uols sama2 bg sumbangan utk kos persekolahan & pengangkutan adik2 awk? Ibu tak larat kemas lagi itu ini, why not sama2 sediakan maid utk dia?
Ni semua cakap org selalu rasa dia bagus. Bagi saya dah cukup baik ada org jaga ibu awk. Psl keja rumah, kenapa ibu nak buatkan? Klu rasa nak didik, jgn buat semua keja tu. Asingkan je baju2 kat bilik msg2. Ibu basuh jela baju ibu. Klu nak makan masak je utk sdri mkn. Buat tanpa perlu berkata2 pun lama2 ipar tu akan faham.
Paling senang,pindah jelah. Lps tu awk adik beradik pandai2la buat mesyuarat utk bantu ibu awk sdri ya. Kena ada persefahaman utk buat benda ni. Barulah mulut tu tak menyampai2 or salah tu tak nampak pada ipar je.
Tapi ada seperkara lagi perlu diingat, isteri tidak dipertanggungjawabkan utk mendengar arahan selain dr suaminya tau. Dia juga tidak ada tanggungjawab utk berkhidmat pada keluarga suami waima ibunya sekalipun. Tapi jika dia buat, ia hanyalah ihsan bagi keluarga suaminya atas dasar hormat dan kasihan sesama manusia. So anak2 kandung LELAKI jangan lepas tangan walau dah kawin ya.
Saya tau, sbb saya dah 6 tahun duduk bersama mertua. Tapi klu kita ikhlas dan hormat jaga orgtua, inshaa Allah keberkatan tu akan dtg jua dlm pelbagai cara.
Sangat setuju dengan sahabat… sbb kadang2 mgkn kak ipar tu nk buat sesuatu kerja tp kekangan anak pula… xjd nk buat… mgkn mak mertua nmpk kerja tu kat situ terus la dia buat… tp ikhlasnya terpulanglah… kalau betul nk mendidik, biar aja disitu… ibu pn pernah jd ibu… so, patut faham bila ada ank2 kecil… bknnya boleh buat semua kerja pada yg sama…
jadi biarkan saja kerja atau barang2 kak ipar tu disitu… biar dia yg settlekn… ibu xbole nk merungut bersepah ke apa…
lagi satu, kak ipar mgkn nmpk rajin disebabkan tugas dia adalah utk melayan suaminya… buatkan air, masak n etc utk suaminya… mgkn ada kesalahfahaman sis disitu…
jd pandai2 la sis n adik beradik menilai and fikirkan jika sis ada ditempat kak ipar tu…
Source: Mufti Ar-Rahman.
To what extent can the husband’s relatives interfere in his wife’s life?
Praise be to Allaah.
The wife does not have to obey anyone among her in-laws, whether that is her husband’s father, mother, brothers or sisters, in any matter, major or minor, unless they tell her to do something which is obligatory according to Islam, or forbid her to do something that is haraam. In such matters she has to obey, whether that comes from a relative or a stranger, an in-law or anyone else.
With regard to the husband, she must obey him in matters that are right and proper, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, discussing some of the husband’s rights over his wife:
Allaah has given the husband rights and commanded the wife to obey him; He has forbidden her to disobey him because of the fact that he excels her and maintains her. Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/493
It is not permissible for any of your in-laws to enter your room without your permission, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember”
[al-Noor 24:27]
If any of them enters your room with your permission but he is not one of your mahrams – such as your husband’s brother – then there has to be one of your mahrams present, so that there will be no haraam khulwah between you (i.e., being alone together). You must also observe full shar’i hijab, and be certain that there is no risk of falling into fitnah (temptation).
Despite all these conditions, it is still better for him not to enter upon you in your room; this is purer for the heart and farthest removed from suspicion. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”
[al-Ahzaab 33:53]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said, “What about the in-law, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The in-law is death.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5232; Muslim, 2172.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the Prophet’s words “The in-law is death,” what this means is that there is more fear with regard to him than anyone else, and evil is to be expected of him, and the fitnah (temptation) is greater because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing that, unlike the case of one who is a stranger. What is meant by “in-law” (hamu) here is the relatives of the husband apart from his father/grandfather and sons/grandsons. Fathers/grandfathers and sons/grandsons are mahrams for his wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her. The word “death” here does not refer to them. Rather what is meant is the brother, brother’s son, paternal uncle, cousin, etc, who are not mahrams. People are usually careless about this matter and a man may let his wife be alone with his brother. This is what is referred to by “death” and should be prevented more than her being alone with a stranger for the reasons mentioned above.
They do not have the right to force you to do any of the things you mention, such as how to cook, how to dress or other things such as working and teaching etc, unless that is by way of advice and kind treatment, not by way of compulsion.
It is not permissible for them to interfere in your and your husband’s private affairs, but if they convince your husband not to go out on trips and he tells you to stay in the house, then obey your husband, and be patient and seek reward.
You do not have to ask permission from any of them to visit your family; that is not their right. You have to ask your husband’s permission, and if he gives you permission then you do not have to ask permission from any of them.
They do not have the right to know the details of your life (you and your husband), and it is not permissible for your husband to tell them of any private or intimate matters between the two of you.
Your husband has to honour his parents, and you should help him in that. You should not be the cause of a split between him and them. You will see the consequences of that in your children in sha Allah.
Your husband’s visits to his parents should be on the basis of need. Something may happen to his parents which requires their son to visit them a great deal, such as sickness and the like. You husband has to pay attention to that.
With regard to your serving them and doing housework, you are not obliged to do that, but if you do it as an act of kindness towards them, or to please your husband, that will be good and you will have the reward for that in sha Allaah. This is something that will raise your status in the eyes of your husband and his family in this world, and will raise you in status in the Hereafter too, in sha Allah.
With regard to your living separately, your husband has to ensure that you have a place where you can live separately, but there is nothing wrong with his parents living in the same place with you if the house is big enough, and if that will not cause you any harm.
With regard to your life being under scrutiny, his parents have no right to dominate your life. Try to communicate in a proper manner with your husband and reach an understanding. If he can resolve the matter, all well and good, otherwise there is nothing wrong with you speaking to his family in a wise and mature manner. If they do not respond and the situation continues as it is, then be patient and seek reward from Allaah.
Finally…
Our advice to husbands is that they should honour their parents with regard to that which is right and proper, but they should not obey them if they transgress the limits set by Allaah, or help them in wrongdoing, which includes mistreating their sons’ wives. They should discuss with them in a way that is better and not prevent them from obeying Allaah. They should be strong in adhering to the truth and confront those who stand in the way of their implementing the laws of Allaah in their homes, because the Muslim does not acknowledge any authority over him except the Qur’aan and Sunnah. They should also beware of those who call them to commit sin.
If the husband thinks that the interests of sharee’ah dictate that he should keep his wife and his family apart, then there is nothing wrong with him doing that.
We should be tolerant and be patient with one another, and we should not forget to be kind to one another. We should speak to one another in kindness and be patient, and ward off evil with that which is better. We should speak well to the slaves of Allaah until we meet Allaah.
Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set all our affairs straight. May Allaah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad.
Tong2 adik bradik bg bibik dkat ibu..blh buat kawan sembang juga.