I’m Happily Moving On

Bismillah… Beberapa minggu lepas, my friend forward satu link dari IIUM Confession, post bertajuk tentang kifarah, https://iiumc.com/kifarah-3/

I carefully read it, and all those criteria match with what I’m going through. Overseas graduate, siblings are doctors, you are an engineer, selama ni yang you selalu bangga banggakan about your family background to everyone. I know it was you.

Except the initial name, because your initial name not Z but A. Maybe you just don’t want to make it too obvious. (Tak pasal pasal orang sumpah seranah Z, yang salahnya A). But since you call yourself Z here, I will call you Z here too.

So here it is, reply from me, K.

Yes i’m K. Perempuan naive yang dianiaya itu. What makes me wonder is how you can be so diligent in writing long posts and desperately asking people to pray for you anonymously?

As i know you, you orang yang takde masa nak tulis berjela ni, you like to make decisions on your own, and you don’t care about people opinion pun. What brings you to send your confession here? Are you really desperately in need of prayers from everyone?

You dah biasa hidup you perfect dapat everything yang you nak, kan? So now start rasa hopeless bila Allah uji sikit? Bear in mind, hidup ni bukan dalam kawalan you, hidup ni dalam kawalan Allah.

2021-2022 was the most painful year of my life. I tak nak ingat. Bila baca ni balik, rasa macam hati disiat siat. You never know how desperately i asked Allah bukakan hati setelah lama trauma sebelum tu, and when you came, i still remember how thankful i was.

I appreciated you as my answered prayer. My parents treat you like their own son.

If you read this, please know that i’m glad Allah saved me from a coward like you. It’s not that I’m sad that i couldn’t be with you, but I’m sad you left me without any closure.

I’m craving for answers; “Why?” “Why did you do this to me?” “How unworthy am I?”. I perempuan ada harga diri, what makes you think you can use me?

You strategically planned to use me from the very beginning. That was so inhumane & very narcissist.

But Allah is great. Dia bagi petunjuk through my istikharah. Cuma i je yang in denial. My parents, too, are still in denial, “kenapa dia buat macam ni? dia kan baik.” Both of them tak sangka ‘budak baik’ macam you sanggup betray kami satu family.

My parents jugak lah yang bawak i berubat jumpa ustaz untuk pulihkan semangat i. I lost almost 10 kg dalam masa beberapa bulan. Betul betul macam kena mental abuse.

Berbulan hidup i tak tenang, tertanya tanya, kenapa boleh jadi macam ni, sampai lah your best friend finally contact me “Aku rasa aku patut bagitahu, he is about to get married. You need this closure. You deserve better”. As expected.

There’s such a void inside of you that you need external validation from many women, kan?

If you truly ikhlas dgn isteri you, you takkan sanggup kenal perempuan lain dalam masa yang sama. If i were your wife now, i would be sad knowing that my husband aniaya perempuan lain sebelum kahwin dgn i.

So how did I know everything? From your friend. Your friend was also the one who told me your mom passed away before your Nikah day.

I saw your wedding photo. Since then, blue has never been my favorite color anymore. I told you i liked blue color before, did you do it purposely to hurt me? Wallahualam.

Never in my mind did i want your wife to go through what she is going through now. I hope you don’t leave her despite all her weaknesses.

You only used me for your own benefit. I hope you don’t do the same to your wife once she doesn’t provide any benefit to you.

I mencari cari hikmah disebalik semua ni. Akhirnya Allah tunjukkan pada i, yang Allah tangguhkan jodoh i untuk i berbakti kepada mak ayah i. Maybe ini ladang pahala i, berbanding kalau i kahwin dgn you.

I read satu satu komen readers, terima kasih doakan yang baik baik untuk saya. Semoga Allah makbulkan semuanya. By reading all of your comments, I’m at ease knowing that my feelings are valid.

Saya makin happy disini. Makin glow up. Malah, saya bersyukur tak berjodoh dgn orang yang tak ikhlas dengan saya. Selepas kejadian tu, saya dpt better job offer. Cuma soal jodoh, saya belum boleh bukakan hati.

Doakan saya jumpa pengganti, jodoh yang baik yang telah Allah aturkan dari Luh mahfuz untuk sy, yang terima baik buruk saya. Semoga Allah izinkan, semoga Allah redha.

Sekiranya saya tidak diizinkan berjodoh didunia ini, saya redha. Ada kalanya pemberian dari Allah dengan berbentuk tidak diberi, tetapi dijauhkan dari bala & marabahaya.

Allah boleh makbulkan doa iblis, sedangkan iblis itu ingkar & kufur, Allah boleh makbulkan perancangan Z sedangkan Z tak pernah ada niat baik dari awal kami kenal lagi, tak mungkin Allah yang sama, tak boleh makbulkan doa i & family sedangkan kami tak menganiaya sesiapa.

Z, berbahagialah. I hope we never cross paths again, walau di dunia & akhirat sekalipun.

– K (Bukan nama sebenar)

Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit