9 Sebab Kenapa Aku Tak Nak Kahwin

Hi, namaku Ayra. Di sini aku nak cerita 9 reasons kenapa aku tak nak kahwin.

Confession ini khas ditujukan kepada makcik2 bawang di luar sana yang suka ambil kisah hal orang lain, suka judge orang, asyik2 tanya bila nak kahwin.

Just know that, not all single girls terlajak umur out there tiada jodoh, or tiada yang berkenan. Some of them are like me, who prefer to stay single forever, and here are the 9 reasons why.

Hopefully those makcik2 bawang could understand better and stop meddling in our own life.

1. You don’t know what I’ve gone through in my life. Aku membesar dalam keluarga yang merajakan lelaki, menghambakan perempuan.

My sisters, my mom including me yang buat semua kerja2 rumah. Memasak, cuci pinggan periuk belanga bagai, sapu rumah, lap lantai, jemur kain, basuh kain, buang sampah.

Kami jugalah yang pergi ke kedai dan pasar beli barang2 keperluan. When we are on trip, kami perempuan jugalah yang akan angkut bagasi2 beg2 ke dalam kereta.

They said that perempuan kena buat kerja rumah because ‘lelaki yang beli beras’.

Tell me, my mom and we sisters also kerja, we also commit our money to the house, why then when we return home it is only we that have to do all the house chores?

Ayahku tak pernah sekali pun tolong ibuku buat kerja rumah. Pinggan makan pun dibiar atas meja selepas makan.

My brothers? They didn’t even know how to cook simple dish, harapkan kitorang je untuk makan. I don’t know whether my brothers are lazy or lack of common sense. They didn’t even bother to help our sick mom in the kitchen when we sisters are not around.

Btw, kami berasal dari negeri serambi Mekah. Tahu2 je lah ye negeri mana. Kat sini, lelaki dah kira bagus kalau diorang pergi solat berjemaah lima waktu. That’s all they have to do.

Tapi kami perempuan, kena pandai memasak, buat kerja rumah and the list goes on. I’ve been facing all these since I was 12 years old.

Now dah almost 20 years aku hadap benda nie. I hate to see my brothers goofing around playing games on their phone while we sisters working hard in the house.

Enough is enough! And aku tahu, kalau aku kahwin, I have to spend perhaps another 3 decades doing it all again. Ye, laki yang rajin tu wujud. But maybe around 20%?

I guess bila ditimbang balik, we have that 80% probability more to get a lazy man as a husband if we get married.

And sayangnya, we only know truly our husband hanya selepas dah kahwin. Why gamble your life then? I know banyak isteri kena hadap benda nie bila dah kahwin.

And jangan cakap isteri boleh didik suami mengemas rumah bagai. Because I don’t want to waste my time teaching a grown ass man basic things in life.

2. Freedom. Bukan freedom nak gi pub berjoget bagai ye. Kalau lelaki cakap kahwin tu macam penjara sebab bini selalu cari, perempuan apatah lagi.

We girls once become a wife, kalau nak ke mana2 je mesti kena minta izin. And that doesn’t stop there.

As a wife we also have to prepare all those things that husband need sebelum keluar rumah.

Contohnya macam my mom, dia akan gosokkan baju dulu, sediakan makanan tengahari dulu, barulah boleh keluar dengan tenang kalau nak jumpa kawan. I feel like I will be tied to a string after getting married.

I want to be free, free to go see my friends, free to go on trips with them, free to visit and return to my parents house. And bila dah kahwin, of course semua nie akam terkubur.

Iya, boleh je keluar bagai, tapi akan jadi limited lepas kahwin. One truth I notice that, lepas kahwin, we put our built families way on top from our parents.

Di situlah lahirnya ibubapa terabai, ibubapa ditinggalkan di rumah orang tua. That commitment slowly memakan diri and hati parents if we didn’t balance it.

3. Anak. Nak bersalin tu sakit wahai makcik2 bawang. It’s my body. Let me do what I want with it. Tak semua orang teruja nak rasa bersalin.

Anda makcik2 bawang selalu cakap, “nanti kalau tak kahwin, takde anak, siapa nak jaga tua-tua nanti?”

Alahai makcik bawang, sekarang pun ramai anak2 tinggalkan mak ayah berseorangan kat kampung, jaga celah mana?

I have two aunts who live alone in their house currently. Takde pulak nampak anak diorang. Anak diorang balik sekali setahun je, masa raya. Btw, did you even ask if I want to have a child at all?

Kenapa suka2 nak suruh kami kahwin so that dapat anak? Yes, it is a blessing and a joy to get a child. But remember, its my body, and I’m the one to endure the pain.

And lepas bersalin, aku juga tahu perempuan je yang banyak jaga anak, lelaki akan bagi alasan, “tak pandailah nak jaga”, “dia nak mama dia je”, “baby nak susu kut”, setiap kali anak nangis, lepastu pass anak kat si isteri.

I know it from what I see happening around me, and from what my married friends told me. Yes, you might be suffering for the first 5 years of your child’s life, and you will say that eveything will be easy after that.

Well, why bother wasting my youth taking care of them when they will also one day grow, get married and leave us to build their own family?

Anak bukan permanent, they too will leave us one day. If I don’t want to have a child, why should I get married in the first place then?

4. Commitment. Marriage is a full time commitment. Aku penat tengok orang dah kahwin nie. Si suami balik dari kerja boleh lah rilek2, si isteri balik dari kerja, kena masak dinner, mandikan anak and lain2 lagi.

That’s why isteri selalu burnout. And most of the time the ‘me-time’ phrase is reserved for the wives and moms only, because God knows how tired and how short we have for our own time. Do even husbands know about this? Care about this?

Ya, betul lah kahwin tu ladang pahala, but I guess I would prefer tuai ladang pahala lain. Suami. Anak. Belanja rumah. Kerja. Can we keep up with all these commitments?

Kalau penat bekerja, boleh berhenti. Tapi kalau penat dalam berkahwin, boleh ker sesuka hati bercerai?

5. Curang. Aku yakin dan pasti, korang wanita yang baca confessions ni mesti memperlekehkan point2 atas yang aku dah mention.

Korang akan cakap, “ala biasa lah tu adat berumah tangga”. Well, right. You might be able to endure all the previous points, until one day you caught your husband cheating.

Masa tu mulalah start rasa serabut and marah. I am a woman too, and I know that. We might be able to cope with hidup berumahtangga, and might even able to accept and endure abusing husbands.

Tapi satu je yang perempuan tak tahan, iaitu bila kena tipu and kena curang dengan suami sendiri.

We women won’t forget and forgive that. Sebab tu ramai minta dilepaskan bila dpt tahu suami curang.

Again, where does all our previous devotions to the husband go? Wasted. Every marriage has this risk. That’s just how a guy is. Lelaki kan nafsunya hanya satu, perempuan.

To all guys out there, telling us face to face is much much better than doing it sneakily behind our back. Heed my advice. Cakap lah nak poligami. Lepas tu tanggunglah apa2 yang jadi.

It’s unacceptable if you hang out with another lover out there while we women handling all household matters and being devoted to you.

6. Mertua dan ipar duai. Point nie aku rasa tak perlu elaborate panjang2. Korang yang dah berkahwin pun dah rasa kan macam mana.

Ada keluarga mertua yang ok, alhamdulillah lah, kalau dapat yang tak ok, hadap je lah. Family suami tetap family suami, and kita dah jadi sebahagian dari family suami after kahwin. Nak tak nak, kena harung jugak.

7. Ambition. Aku nie perempuan yang bercita-cita tinggi. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m selfish when it come to myself and my own family.

I had a plan to further studies. And while many husbands could be supportive, there will be some yang akan larang dengan alasan, “siapa nak jaga anak?”.

Again, I’ll be tied to my own child. It’s not impossible untuk belajar sambil jaga anak, but will the husband give their permission?

Again, suara suami diutamakan sebab agama menyuruh kita isteri mentaati suami selagi tak bercanggah dengan agama.

There’s even husbands that told their wives to stop working and focus on their child.

I know myself, and no matter how much I will love my own child, I don’t think I will be able to become housewives, doing laundry choosing wallpapers and babysitting all day. I would lose my mind.

8. Parents. As a child, there’s so much I still want to do with my parents and siblings. Nak bawak parents pergi melancong, nak bawak pergi makan tempat best2.

And I won’t have that much time if I got married, especially since I’m a woman who have to follow husband after married.

I want to be able to take care of my parents, till their last day. Bila aku tengok makcik2 aku yang tinggal sesorang kat kampung, I decided not to let the same thing happen to my parents. There’s no harm if I live with them, after all I didn’t want to get married.

9. I’m an introvert. Korang makcik bawang mesti risau takut aku sorang2 je nanti kalau tak kahwin kan.

Let me tell you. As an introvert, I enjoy being in my own company. Being in the crowd drains my energy. Aku tahu geng2 extrovert mesti tak leh brain jenis yang introvert macam aku nie.

It’s ok. The feeling is incredibly mutual. Aku yang inttovert nie pun tak faham orang extrovert yang suka bersosial ni. I do have loyal close friends though.

My point is, I won’t be feeling lonely, and that makes me perfect to stay single forever. Nanti dah tua, I’ll just sign myself up to any good nursing homes, just like my neighbour (she is married btw but lives alone). So don’t worry too much about me makcik2 bawang.

Banyak lagi point aku nak tulis. Tapi dah terpanjang sangat pulak.

Oh, sebelum korang judge lagi, aku cakap siap2. Hadith “nabi tak mengaku umat sekiranya tak berkahwin” itu adalah hadith dhaif (lemah).

Get your facts right before saying it to my face. In fact, kita ada banyak hukum kahwin, which is different according to different person.

And sebelum ada yang kata, “nanti jangan jadi penyondol pulak”, no worries dear. I have a strong affirmation of what I hold.

Setakat nie, aku berjaya tempis mana2 lelaki yang cuba mendekati. I drew a clear line. Because I really2 do not want to get married.

So please, before you start questioning “why aren’t you married yet?”, do understand that a girl could have all those possible reasons, and we don’t need a justification from you. You do you.

– Ayra (Bukan nama sebenar)

Hantar confession anda di sini -> https://iiumc.com/submit