I'm an IIUM student. I'm such a cold hearted person. Most of the times, I hate myself for not having a good personality.
Kids don't like me. Adults don't like me. Nobody likes me. I'm such a useless person. I'm rough to my parents. I always increase my voice to them. I didn't treat them nicely. I'm not a good daughter. Being bitchy all the time. Laughing so hard. Talking rudely to my parents. I hate myself. I just use them when I need them. Why? Why this life is so hard? I hate myself.
I hate my life. How other people can have kind heart? But, not me? I hate this. Most people can take things lightly but not me. I always getting angry and emotional. My father always advised me to low down my voice, be gentle etc. I'm not a gentle person. It's difficult for me to be gentle. I'm being arrogant and rude to everyone.
I'm so rude. I don't have a good attitude at all. Im just a useless fellow. I don't have patience and tranquility in me. People around me getting their life while being succesfull and me shitting around without doing nothing. Even thou I start to do something to improve myself or do something good, it will turn out to be shit. Shit. I adore to have a good personality but I don't have it.
I calling myself being so independent but the truth is I'm such an asshole. I'm not independent at all. I still need money from my parents. My father retired. He bought shoe for me today. But, I'm 23. What kind of life that I'm living in. Verily, I really hate myself. People around me are accomplishing their dreams and getting good outputs from it. But me? Nothing. I don't have anything to say good things about me. I don't have any good accomplishments to say about myself.
I'm destroying myself slowly. I couldn't live in this world peacefully. I have debts around me. Around RM5k plus. I do not know how I'm going to settle my debts. I'm not a good slave to Allah. I pray but no sincerity in it.
Why? Why I'm behaving like this? I'm not changing myself at all. There's no progress for my changes. I still the same me who don't have big accomplishments in life.
Sometimes it makes me to think that who going to get married with a person like me. Whenever a good guy looking at me and showing some interest, it makes me to avoid those people by telling myself that I don't deserve such good guy. Those guys deserve a better girl. I'm just tired of thinking myself.
I have a lot to write. But… Ya Rab, I just want to be a good person where people see me they like me, they feel calm when they see me. Help me, Allah. Please, make dua' for me. Please don't tell me that I have to love myself(luckily, i knew i have to love myself, but I'm not on the stage to listen to this words).
Thanks for reading.
– Sakura
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit
Dh ada kesedaran..berubah je la..
Ok la tu debt 5k. Abang ni PTPTN belas2 k. Hahah. Apepun, stop questioning start to change your current behavior. May Allah bless.
Is this roast yourself challenge?
Owhhh.. Dek sakura… Dont worry laa.. Awak tau apa yg lack dlm diri awak.. Awak tahu apa masalah awak..awk tahu dgn terperinci…so u can do it.. Hanya awk yg blh ubah diri awk.. Untuk permulaan yg baik awk blh mulakan dgn istighfar sebanyak yg boleh.. Lebih2 lg bila prasaan tgh celaru rasa nk meletop…rasa xsenang tgok bnda yg menyakitkan mata dan hati. Kadang2 kita marah org…kita rasa apa org buat xkena..tapi sebenarnya kita tengah marah kat diri sendiri..apa yg kita buat xkena..kita benci dekat diri sendiri..bila hidup kita terlalu penuh dengan kekecewaan..lama2 bertukar kepada kemarahan..terus wujud kebencian…walaupun kdg2 kita sendiri xtahu kita tgh marah sapa sebenarnya..siapa yg kita tengah benci sebenarnya..chillax sakura..jgn terlalu ambil satu perkara menjadi rumit,jgn jadikan satu perkara tu sebagai beban dlm hati kita.. Semuanya akan okey.
It’s that time of the month again.
Cuba amalkan zikir ya latif, yang Maha Lembut…setiap kali lps solat sbnyk 44kali…siapa tahu baran sis tu blh perlahan lahan hilang .. cuba la ye sis:)
we are all unique in our own way,everyone has their own weaknesses and strength. you just need to find positivity in you. obviously you dont love yourself albeit you said you do.btw, you’ll feel better after a week,no worries.
You are good at English..
this is more like a personal diary to me.. you know diary? that secret personal book, written in secret, full of feeling expression. that sad, happy, embaressed and angry moment are all documented inside. oh? the y gen nowdays dont have diary.. they have fb.. an open feeling expression for strangers to judge. oh well sis.. you know what is the problem.. the root cause..
all i can say is that, you need to get your heart cleanse.. inside out..
you need to do doa to Allah.. asking to help you cleanse your heart.. and doing a lot of that..
you know why we need to ask from Allah? our beloved phrophet says.. ask from Allah, no matter how petty it is, even when you sandal strap is broken and you need a new one..
ALLah loves to hear we, His servant asking from Him.. He loves it so much..
so sis, start asking helps from Him, because He is he one who hold our heart, Only He can move our hearts in doing things.. ask from him that you want to have a pure white hearts.
try it in this ramadhan.. insyaallah it will come true
Sekurang2nya awak ada kesedaran tntg diri awk… dan nak berubah… awak boleh mengakui segala kelemahan diri.. ok la tu.. x semua org boleh mengakui kesilapan diri.. semoga awak boleh berubah jd baik.. insya Allah… terutama kpd ibu bapa.
You good.
I’m not that alim but I know u can start slow. Yes most of us are not a good Muslim but as i said we can start slow. Just start with prayers n reading Quran. Never leave them. Small acts like that could lead to greater ones that u could never imagine
Insha Allah