So, how do I start. I am not a great story teller but I will try my best to deliver what is in my heart right now. Sorry if the story got confusing and for the details untold.
I am senior right now at a college. Means that I would be (or supposed to) graduating this year. Right now is the time that all the final exams and the projects are due, which mean it is not the time to be broken, and do nothing. And guess what? That’s exactly what I did. I did nothing.
I skipped classes. A lot. I did none of the homeworks. I ditched my project groups to fend for themselves. I slept all the time. Half a day sometimes. I woke only to feed myself because I am so hungry, and because I needed to piss and poop. I didnt even showered for almost two weeks. The time I am awake, I spent it staring at the phone, staring at the computer, rolling in my bed, on the couch. I did nothing. I am a miserable loser. I am failing some of my courses and I am contemplating to beg for a pass in the course from the professors. I do not want to repeat another year in this hellhole to be honest. I am done being a shit. I don’t wanna be a shit. And nobody want to be a shit.
As I am failing my life as a student, I also failing the social aspects of my life. I rarely speak to my mother and father. I only replying to wassap group just to make them think I am still alive. We are so distance that it seem that none of my family remembered my birthday, which I totally understand because I don’t remember it myself too. I even forget it myself only to be reminded by several of my friend wishes. Well, I appreciate that. When the others become distant, which in the first place, we are not that close to each other. I don’t blame them for that only blame myself for it.
I am really a pathetic loser. Forgive me for this rant. Only to God I could rest my hope. But I am not that close to God myself. So who do I turn to? Maybe thats why I am ranting here, to made myself being heard.
– bened
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None of my family member and friend know my birthday too but it’s not an issue for me
Erk.. it is important to remember birthday?? In my family.. there are no birthday celebration.. n i don`t think my sibling remember mines.. its not big issue. (Sorry for bad english)
I dnt think the issue is about birthday. I think you are having depression or heart broken. Totally two diffrent thing.You cant focus yourself, study or life. You need to talk to somebody that you can trust and talk what really bothering you. Ultimately, pray is the best answer. And the answer is in yourself. Get some help, talk , express what you feel. Maybe you should take a break from study, ask your lecturer if you can take a break as now also you already skipping class.
Bangun, ambil towel, pergi mandi. Lepas tu, kemas bilik, sebab daripada pembacaan aku, conform bilik bersepah. Basuh baju yang kotor. Solat asar dulu kalau belum. Kemas meja study. Pergi makan, ajak kawan sekali teman. Sebab sekarang you need your friend. Solat maghrib jap lagi. Lepas tu sambung buat apa yang tertangguh tu. Okay?
Pick your shit up and do something. Nobody will clean your shit. You’re an adult for fuck sake.