Memang kadang-kadang ada manusia ni karekternya senyap, pendiam, dan tak blend in dengan people. but hey, focus on your strength instead of weakness. being a loner, ada benefitnya. kau tak semak nak fikir apa nak cerita, dan tak semak nak fikir cerita org lain, you able to focus on yourself and your ibadah, kau ada your own self. ada circle sendiri. dont be such depressed with yourself. sebab you tried so hard to impress people, it end up with: buat lawak tak jadi, nak hang out kawan lari, nak joke punchline takder and few awkward condition yang lain. this because you want them to acknowledge you, and you want to change the real you. its not worth it. just be yourself.
The you that i can describe (from your confession) is silent, smart. thats you. dont change. be that person. accept yourself. kau akan jadi lebih happy, bahagia, and tenang bila kau dapat accept diri kau. Accept that you are not that good in socializing, but you have intellectual quality.
socializing dengan those who boleh blend in dengan awk. those yang boleh in, mcm ada chemistry. kadang tgk org sembang huha berkepak macam nak terbalik dunia besembang, yeah, it was attractive but then, you cant be that, because you are not that. nak blend well dengan people mcm tu pun susah, sbb they got they own 'waves' dengan kawan2 sesosial dengan dia. and that waves match among them. ada bahasa sendiri, compatibility sendiri. they have their own way of communicate that we cant match because we are not that.
aku both. a loner when i want to, and a socializer when i need to. and those people around me are those who match with my waves. bila tak match, dont try hard to catch up. just let it be. akan ada satu masa bila kau hang out with people, and that bond comes around. it just the matter of time. sabar ya. harap awk dapat jumpa kawan yang in dengan awak.
satu sy nak pesan. dont let people use you. berpendirian lah. tegas lah bila buat keputusan. if they come around just to use and toy you (mcm tiru esaimen, buat projek group, nk tiru jawapan etc etc), just leave them. jangan hang out even a second with them. cut it off. they didnt worth it and believe me you deserve more. baik jadi loner dari toyed by people. respect youself for who you are. kalau awak tak respect diri awak, who else will?
Maaf jika silap kata. Ambil apa yang awk rasa baik untuk awak. Discard the rest. K bai.