I live in a small city, an underdeveloped state. I was caught in a traffic jam yesterday. then I saw this homeless, seemingly to cross the road, but also walking aimlessly. common trait among homeless. then I looked at my passenger seat; kaya kok from my favourite old bakery.
but the traffic isnt moving and I was on the right most lane, I needed to change lane to reach him and my car is super huge n bulky. I didnt intend to create a scene. tak pasal kena hon. but I did it anyway. changed lane in the barely moving traffic, praying pakcik homeless wont cross the road, jenuh aku nak kejar nanti.
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then I waited, praying for him to walk just a bit further, to my car. I cant simply leave my car, so at this moment, I could only rely on Allah to guide his heart. I wind down all of my windows, ready to receive him from any angle. and……… yes! he approached my car! and out I sprang my arm. "pok cik! kueh!" he was a bit shocked. kejut wehh, gapodio tibo tibo ado tange tubik kuk pitu. and puzzled, but took it anyway. "ado duit seriyal?" he asked me for one ringgit. so I gave. then he walked away.
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it felt good. tho he has this worried look on his face which I couldnt decipher. and I wish I had given him more than one ringgit. but, it felt super good.
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I've been depressed these past few weeks. I was fighting the urge to harm myself. a lot had happened. I've been lied to n cheated n taken advantage on. all I could feel was pain. but somehow, im getting stronger.
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and that sadaqa I made, gives me a feeling like there's still hope. for everyone. there is happiness for everyone. making others smile gave me a reason to smile too. it felt like a huge lump of black dirt had been taken off my chest. I can finally breathe again. I was granted life. and a reason to live. I felt happy:)
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I shared this story because I know, despite of our surroundings, many are living with depression too. aku malu nak mengaku budak UIA, tapi got caught in sins n depression. I know how it feels to have to persuade yourself every morning just to get out of that bed and attend that class. trust me. I know. find your way back to Allah. only He can restore the light in you. in sha Allah. ameen.
– Cik Mek Molek